Friday, October 21, 2005

"Passion for Jesus" by Mike Bickle

My friend Greg gave me an awesome book a month ago that I finally finished this morning. It's called "Passion for Jesus" and was written by Mike Bickle. What an amazing and challenging book. WOW! The last chapter really got me. It was titled “Wasting Your Life on Jesus” and it hit me like a ton of bricks!! I think God’s been preparing me to read it for several days now. I think that basically everything that has been going on in my life has been pointing me towards the concepts presented in that book. It challenged my whole concept of what is truly important, what truly constitutes a life well-spent, a life worth living. Basically, the gist of the book is that if we could get a handle on how passionately God loves us and how He longs to ravish us and consume us, then our lives would be revolutionized. We would be transformed by that knowledge and would in turn pursue Him just as passionately. After reading this book, and after the way God has dealt with me through its pages, I want to be so entirely sold out for Jesus that my friends and family all go “Huh?? What’s got into her?” Which would of course be a great opportunity to tell them! There’s a paragraph on p 165 of the book that says “I want to do the extravagant thing for God. Out of love and gratitude I want to do that which is not required.” That pretty much sums it up! God doesn't necessarily require anything radical, but sometimes He does stir our hearts towards it. That's what I feel like He's doing in me - stirring me up so that I'm no longer satisfied with "normal Christianity". Opening my eyes to what He has in store for me, what life could be like if I devoted myself fully to Him! Abundant life, indeed.

There was also a section in the last chapter about Mary of Bethany, about the contrast between her & her sister Martha. It talked of how Mary wanted to just sit at the feet of Jesus - to simply adore Him, worship Him, and wait on Him. I’ve focused too much on being a Martha in my walk with the Lord (and often haven’t been a very good Martha either!). What I mean by that is that I've tried to do all the things that I thought the Lord was requiring, almost trying to earn my way into Heaven. "You can't ever say no to anything anyone from the church wants you to do or you'll go straight to hell" - that sort of thing. In the process, you end up focusing on the doing, on how you're performing, and not simply being. (I read another great book this month called "The Art of Being" that talked about that.) I think both Mary and Martha were honestly trying to serve, but Jesus says that Mary chose the better way. Well, that's the choice I want to make! I want God's best for my life - I want to sit at His feet every chance I get and just soak up every word! So that’s the prayer of my heart today. For God to continue to put a desire in me to be more like Mary of Bethany - to sit at the feet of my Savior and worship Him fully and completely with ever fiber of my being.

Praise You, God, for your awesome power and love and beauty and grace and majesty! Your ways are above my ways and I stand in awe of You. I can’t even fathom what all You have in store for my life, but Lord – I’m ready. I’m willing. Father, send me! Take me! Use me! I surrender – totally and completely. Thank You, Jesus!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Thursday Afternoon Musings

I just realize that it's been a couple of days since I posted. No particular reason why, really. Just laziness I suppose! It's another beautifully glorious fall day here in Atlanta, although it certainly doesn't feel like a late October day. Not that I'm complaining, mind you! I'll take sunshine and blue skies and warm weather over rain and dreariness any day of the week! But I am longing for days with a little bite to them - that briskness in the air that usually accompanies the falling leaves. The tree outside my office is still predominantly green. Wonder what it will look like when the leaves are all gone, or when snow covers its branches? Time will tell, right?

I went to 7-22 again Tuesday night. Once again, I was totally blown away! I love the music there. Worshipful rock - how cool is that! And once again I couldn't resist buying a CD and a book. The CD I bought because the last song we sang during the worship service was absolutely incredible and so I picked up every CD in the bookstore until I found the right one: "Free" by Todd Fields. He didn't lead the worship that night, but he was one of the guitar players there (I know that because one of the sales clerks who verified that that was the same song we had just sung mentioned it). He wrote all the songs on the CD and from what I've heard so far, they're all fabulous. Actually, until this morning I had the CD in my car and every time I got in I would hit track #3 and play it over and over and over and over... This morning I decided to bring the CD into the office with me and so have actually listened to the whole thing. I like the first song on the CD a lot, too. It's called "You Alone are King".

The book I bought tied into the lesson - it's called "The Purity Principle" by Randy Alcorn. This was week #2 of the "pure" sermon series and was about pornography and sexual addictions. Two guys from California were the guest speakers. They had started a ministry called xxxchurch.com (their tagline is "the #1 christian porn site on the web") that is awesome! They even have free accountability software on their site for people struggling with the issues of sexual addiction and pornography. It was cool to hear their stories and hear how God is using them to minister to people across the country. But back to the book - it's a fairly small book, but God is certainly using it to call me to a deeper walk of purity with Him. I think He's really just continuing the work He's been doing in my heart these past few weeks about drawing closer to Him and passionately pursuing Him as the lover of my soul. But He's also dealing with me about things I've let seep into my life that shouldn't be there. This will not be a news flash, but it's tough to stay pure as a single adult living in this day and age! Temptations abound and the media certainly doesn't help matters. Everything from billboards to TV shows to commercials to movies to whatever else you can think of! Sex sells - and everyone's using it to sell something it seems. Being newly single again after many years of marriage, this is suddenly a huge deal to me. Suddenly I'm confronted with this issue of purity like it's a new thing, when in actuality it's probably been an issue my entire life! I mean, I've never been diligent about watching what I view on TV or not going to rated R movies or censoring where I go on the web or being careful about what types of books I read or whatever. Now suddenly God is dealing with me on so many levels about so many things! Everything from my favorite TV show (Smallville) to my preferred type of novels (cheesy romance novels) is under scrutiny. And I'm not liking what I'm finding out about my habits. This book is so right about how our minds get seared to the bad things we see until we don't even bat an eye at things that should give us great pause. I was talking to my friend Angi yesterday who is one of my "accountability partners" and she mentioned something from a sermon that she had heard years ago. Her pastor was watching TV and suddenly had the thought that the scene he was watching on TV was one of the sins for which Christ died. The scary thing is that often when we're watching something like that, it's like we disconnect our mental capacities for a bit and turn off our consciences. We veg out, in a sense, and just let the images in to roost where they may. Sorry - didn't intend for this post to be about my resolve to walk in purity before the Lord or to be a rant against "the evils of TV"! So let's change the subject to . . . . .

Fish. My friend Reba bought me the coolest thing for my upcoming birthday: a little starter fish tank! It's quite tiny and so adorable. Now the only thing left to do is go pick out my new little friend and bring him to his new home. I've decided to name him Fred. Don't know why, but I think it has a nice ring to it - Fred the Fish. Nice and simple. I'm going to get a Betta fish, whatever the heck that is - those are just the instructions Reba gave me with the tank: "Go to the fish store and get a male Betta - they're prettier." to which I replied (like everyone does with Reba) "Yes, ma'am!". I can't decide when to get the fish, though. I'll be gone for a week and don't want poor Fred to end up floating on the surface, know what I mean? Of course, my wondrous co-workers say they'll feed him for me, but how irresponsible would that be of me, to bring poor Fred home and then desert him before he gets over the emotional upheaval of a move and a new home and all that! Sheesh! The poor thing would be traumatized for life, I'm sure. At least I don't have to worry about Fred peeing on the carpet or chewing up my shoes or anything like that. I mean, what's the worst thing a fish can do? Even if he were an exceptionally athletic fish that could hurl himself from the tank and over onto the carpet (which would also make him an exceptionally suicidal fish) I mean it's not like it's going to be as bad as the messes a little puppy or kitten would make. Eventually I may get a puppy or a kitten. I don't know. It was really really hard to leave my dogs with my ex-husband. But since he was keeping the house with the huge yard and I was moving into a tiny apartment, it was the wisest thing to do. I do miss those dogs, though. They were my babies! Abraham was a St. Bernard - such a cutie! And such a wimp to be such a big dog. He whined more than any creature I've ever known. But he was so adorable that you let him get by with it regardless. And Corey - man, was she smart! She definitely ruled the roost. {{Wow! On a totally unrelated side note, I just realized that I just used what I thought was a homograph in my blog (word that is spelled the same but pronounced differently) with the word "roost"! How cool is that!! But unfortunately after rereading this post, I realized that I actually am using the word the same in both sentences. But nevertheless it isn't a word that I use often in my everyday conversations... well, at least I don't think it is. I'll have to listen to myself over the next few days to see...}}

Ok - time to go. I hear a diet Mountain Dew calling my name from down the hall...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

"Keep Your Fork" & Thoughts on Heaven

I just read one of those forwarded things entitled "Keep Your Fork". You've probably seen it at some point because it's been around for a while. It tells of a young woman who is diagnosed with a terminal illness. Her pastor comes by her house so they can discuss the details of her funeral and as he's walking out, she has an odd request: to be buried with a fork in her hand. The reason? When people would gather together for a dinner and folks begin clearing the plates from the main course, someone would invariably remind her to keep her fork. Why? Because something better was on the way - namely, dessert! She wanted people to pass buy her casket, see the fork in her hand and ask the pastor what the deal was. And sure enough, people did just that. Which of course opened the door for the pastor to relate the story and to tell how this young lady knew that she was headed for something way better - she was headed for the Throne Room of the King. The best is certainly yet to come!

Anyhow - I have to confess that I love those sappy stories like that that get you misty-eyed (well, at least they do me!). A lot of times forwards are annoying as all get out, especially those that you see like every other week! But some - like this one - I think are kind of cool. There's one about a grocer that trades food for marbles that gets me, too. Shoot - there are probably about a zillion of these little stories floating around out there that are equally "tear-jerking". But I like the thought of keeping your fork and knowing that something better's coming after we pass from this world to our true home. You'd think we'd be eager, like Paul was, to go home to be with the Lord (from the first chapter of Phillippians - "having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better" (NKJV)). But I find myself holding too dearly to the things of this life - thinking of all the things I haven't done yet, the places I've yet to visit, the experiences I've yet to... well, experience! Loved ones I want to spend more time with. New friends to be made and old friends to draw closer to! Besides all that, I'm sure we all know people that we want to see come into the Kingdom - we want to be assured of their eternal destination before we pass there ourselves. There's work left to be done here, that's for certain! And unfortunately, that's not an area that I'm diligent about. I tend to let the daily living with its cares and problems and worries crowd my mind and my life until there's little room for what matters most in this life. And often, I find myself forgetting what really does matter most, or not even answering the question correctly.

So what does matter most? Seeing people who are lost and away from God turn to Him and accept His gift of salvation and redemption fully. Seeing them come to know Christ - truly know Him as He desires to be known! - and come to love Him and to trust Him. To minister not only to those who are lost, but to those who are hurting. Those who have lost loved ones, those who are facing illness and diseases, those who are depressed or weighed down beneath the cares of this life... those who for whatever reason need a little encouragement, a little extra sign that someone sees their pain and that someone cares. All too often I neglect to reach out and touch someone - whether it be physical like a hug or emotional like a word or a card or whatever. I see the hurting people around me and stay in my own little comfort zone, safe and secure. Because, after all, to come out of the shell of my comfort zone to minister to someone else exposes all my vulnerabilities. To reach out and touch someone exposes me to rejection, that vilest of things. But a life lived in fear isn't lived at all. If I am so afraid of rejection and of failure that I never move, never try, never attempt to be a blessing to others, how can I ever experience the abundant life God has planned for me?

A friend of mine who has a heart for ministry has been challenging me lately. I think sometimes they're challenging me (on so many levels!) without even realizing it. But seeing how they perceive the world and their place in it, seeing how they look for and seek after God's will for their life on a regular basis until it's as natural as breathing... Lord, I want to be like that! I want to have such a heart for you that the things that used to be natural to me are natural no longer. I know Your ways are above my ways, but I want to work on closing that gap a little more. To get to the place where I know You a little more each day than I do the day before. To constantly strive to have a heart that longs not only for You, but for your children who are hurting. To have a burden for those around me who need You. Lord, open my eyes to the opportunities for ministry that I pass by every day. Open my eyes to Your plan for my life. I surrender my life to your perfect will, Father. "Here I am - send me"...

A Caffeine-Induced Rambling about Squirrels

It's Tuesday. One of those beautiful autumn days when there is a briskness in the air and the sky is so clear and blue that it makes me smile to catch a glimpse of it through the trees. I can see tons of trees from my new office. Our company moved October 1st to the next building over - a lot of hassle, but it's a great office space with a great view of some really cool trees in the courtyard. Plus it's a block closer to my place - how convenient is that! Anyhow, as I work I get an occasional glimpse of a bird or a squirrel frolicking in the branches that seem to hang directly over my monitor. Makes me jealous! What a life - a life free from obligations, free from responsibilities, free from the doubts and worries and anxieties that trouble me as a homo sapien living in the good 'ol U.S. of A. Free. What a concept! The Word says that "The truth shall make you free" and that we are "free indeed". Free. What does that mean? Well, let's just think about that a bit, shall we? Sometimes when something is free I think that means it's of a lesser quality, like there's a catch there or some reason why they're giving it away. Like those free vacation nights we get faxes about on a daily basis: "Free 5 night getaway to Aruba!" "Free diamond ring with purchase!" "Buy one, get one free!" But there's always the fine print: shipping not included, airfare not included, a new definition of the word "diamond". There's usually some sort of marketing scheme behind the freebies it seems. But not always. And in this case, this definition of "free" isn't really what I was talking about. Free being "without cost". In that sense, we were certainly purchased with a cost (Jesus' death on the cross - but that's a whole 'nother story!). Back to the squirrels... how about "free" meaning without inhibition? Not in a bad sense, as in loose or easy, but in a good sense. Unrestrained, perhaps.

Do squirrels get tense about anything? Do they cogitate over what the squirrel on the next branch thinks of them? Uh... no! 'Course I don't really think that squirrels think about much other than "hey! an acorn! hey! another acorn! hey! a car to run out in front of and then dart back in forth like an insane indecisive furry freakazoid! hey! another acorn!" But maybe I'm selling them short. Maybe they have entire squirrel societies, with a grand poobah squirrel who wears a big obnoxious hat made of acorn hulls and pinestraw. Maybe - you know maybe there's such a thing as having too much caffeine in too little time? Why on earth did I just type for like five minutes about squirrels??? And now when I glance up at my favorite tree in the courtyard, all the squirrels are conspicuously absent. Did they strip it clean and decide to migrate to another habitat? Or are they passed out after some squirrel debauchery on one of the higher branches that I can't see?

The leaves are turning here in Georgia. I love fall! Fall means football weather - go dawgs! Yep - I'm a diehard Georgia Bulldogs fan. And they're currently pretty doggone high in the BCS rankings! Yippee! A friend of mine is a Florida fan. It's actually pretty sad. I mean, to talk to him, you'd think he was a nice guy, intelligent, got a good head on his shoulders, pretty wise... but then you find out that he has huge errors in judgement! I mean, Florida?? C'mon! Gators ain't good for much, in my humble opinion. For that matter, anyone in orange is suspect: Auburn, Tennessee, Clemson... but Florida is by far the worst! I can't wait for the Ga/Fla game. Mainly because I'm hoping my poor friend will see the error of his ways and repent and turn to the light! Gators=bad. Bulldogs=good. Orange=evil. Red & Black=purity and light! I need to come up with some creative bets for the outcome of that game... I'll have to think about that for a while.

Oops! My coffee cup is empty. I can feel the energy draining from my cells.... am getting groggy... am s l o w i n g d o w n , listing sideways in my chair, drool running down my chin. Can i make it to the kitchen before my brain waves cease to function entirely? Must... hang ... on. Must... stay... strong.....

{Will she survive the caffeine withdrawals?? Tune in for the continuing saga: same Bat time, same Bat channel}

{Hey! Batman Begins releases today on DVD! Cool!}

Monday, October 17, 2005

Thoughts on Temptation & God's Grace

Today, I listened to a "sermon" from last week's 7-22 meeting. 7-22 is a Singles Bible Study that meets at Northpoint Community Church in Atlanta. "Singles Bible Study" sounds rather safe and kind of trite, but this is anything but. It's nondenominational and according to their website (www.722.org) people from over 300 churches attend. Two weeks ago was my first time attending (although I've had it on my list of things to do for months now). At first as I was walking in from my car, I thought to myself, "You just need to get back in the car right now! You are entirely too old to be here!" While I don't consider myself old (I turn 35 next Saturday), the folks streaming into the building around me all looked about 12 years old. There were a lot of college students, twenty-somethings, and they all seemed to travel in packs. How intimidating is that to a shy "old" person? At any rate, I'm so glad I didn't drive away! I found a seat in the very back row of the bottom center section (I'm a back pew kind of girl - probably a result of my Baptist upbringing) and people-watched until it was time to start. The main draw for me was the worship: I knew I would totally dig the music (geesh - that sounded old, too!) and I was NOT disappointed. From the beginning of the multimedia presentation that preceded the actual start of the music until the last note faded away and the house lights came up, I was hooked. The music rocked and the energy in the place was phenomenal! Thousands of young people (of all ages) praising God and worshipping and crying out to the Lord? Wow! What an awesome time. The guest speaker was a guy named Erwin McManus that night and he spoke on "Ambition" - how it's not a bad thing unless preceded with the adjective "selfish". But then last week I didn't get to go, which bummed me out because they were starting a series entitled simply, "pure". Well, as a single individual living in the year 2005, I was fairly convinced that I needed to hear that message! And knowing myself like I do certainly strengthened that conviction. His object lesson was really cool (check it out on their website - it's neat) and the main point I came away with was that God definitely does not see us as we see ourselves. If you're one of His children and if you've made Him your Lord and Savior, then He's looking at you through the blood of Jesus... your sins are made white as snow and He sees your account as paid in full. We usually focus on our sin and all the things that separate us from His love, but He's focusing on how He created us in His image and how much He loves us and longs for us to turn to Him fully. He passionately pursues each of us with a relentless spirit that yearns to commune with His children. That theme has been running through my life for the last few weeks. The whole idea that God desires our passion - He wants us to run to Him with our entire being. He wants to meet our needs. He wants to be the object of our desires. He wants to love us with an everlasting love that will totally blow our socks off, if we'll only let Him. If we'll only turn and step into His waiting arms. Wish I could get that in my brain and in my heart! Wish I could let that permeate my being instead of just letting it flit in one ear and out the other. I read it/hear it, think "wow - that's cool" and then walk away and live like it were a lie, or like I'd never even heard it before. I forget that God loves me so much! Forget that I'm part of His bride. I allow all the pressures of the world to float up and obscure my focus, allow them to drag my gaze from the Holy One down to the murkiness of life in the 21st century.

Now that I've typed one insanely long paragraph with no real rhyme or reason to it, I'm thinking good grief - I guess that's how I think! No rhyme or reason, no organized bullet lists, no 3 point outline. Just one long mass of uncertainties that pretty much streams out, no matter what the outlet is - whether its typing in a journal/blog or opening my mouth (and inserting my foot more often than not).

How about I close this entirely too long 2nd post with a little prayer? God, thank You for this day with all its blessings. Thank you for my life and for all the gazillion second chances You give me as your child. Thank you for pursuing me so passionately, Lord. Ravish me with your presence today and everyday. Remind me that You love me. You died on the cross for me. And for everyone else in the world, too. Yes, yes, I know. But still - I know that You know me personally and yet somehow You love me still. How cool is that! You don't see the tally sheet of mistakes and failures that I keep on myself. Yes, you hate sin more than anyone but you don't kick me when I'm down. You don't berate me and pile on lecture after lecture or put me in a corner with a dunce cap on. Yes, you let me know when I've missed it and messed up - those little nudges of conscience that come from You - but yet you look past all that and love me in an amazing way and with a totally amazing love. The love of a Father for his daughter. Abba, Father. I love you.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

My First Posting

Now that I've gotten my blogspot all set up, I've forgotten what I wanted to say. Typical! People who know me well would be astonished at any momentary lack for words, but I'm really very shy so this awkward first posting should be expected. Why? Because I'm in a sense introducing myself to the world wide web. Hello, world! :)

A friend of mine has been blogging for a few weeks now, and his eloquence is inspiring. However, his subject matter (the death of his wife, his subsequent struggles with the Lord, his month-long worship at the IHOP in KC) lends itself more readily I think to inspiration! My blog is more of a "OK-this-is-what-I'm-thinking-right-now" stream of consciousness type thing. Hopefully, there will be days when I'm inspired and eloquent. Time will tell.