My amazingly talented husband, Gregory, sang a new Amy Grant song yesterday at church called "Better Than a Hallelujah". He thought he messed up and massacred the song, but I didn't think so at all! I know lots of folks (not just me!) were blessed by it, and didn't notice any missed notes or flubbed lines that seemed glaring to him. The song is beautiful and has beautiful lyrics and has been going through my head since he sang it yesterday. The whole message of the song (or at least my take on it) is about how God sees and hears the cries of our heart and how they're beautiful to Him. My favorite line from the song is "Beautiful, the mess we are" - that blows me away! That God sees me and knows me intimately - knows how messed up I am! - and yet finds me beautiful.
How often am I honest with God and with other people? I mean, really? You know how sometimes when people ask how we are, instead of being transparent and telling them, "I'm having a horrid day and am ready to strangle my spouse and/or my coworkers!", we say "I'm blessed and highly favored!" or we just say "I'm fine! How're you?" Do we try to do that with God, too? It's kind of an icky question because I believe in giving the sacrifice of praise - praising God in the midst of everything that's going on, even when it sucks. Even when praising Him is the last thing you want to do! When the bottom's fallen out and you're sinking, going under for seemingly the last time. Those times when I press in and praise Him regardless are the times when He wrecks me and holds me the closest and let's me hear His heartbeat all the more clearly. And that's all good! But I guess what I was musing about today was how sometimes we're afraid to be real with each other. How we put on these masks and show our shiny happy side. How we're ashamed or afraid to let anyone know that we're hurting. That we're human.
But God knows all. He hears the honest cries and moans and groans of our heart and they are sweet in His ears. And they're sweet in the ears of our fellow laborers, too. Our brothers and sisters who are toiling beside us as we try to walk out our faith are going through their own struggles and trials, but they're not too busy to lend a helping hand. Or at least they shouldn't be. And often when we're brutally honest with someone, it forges a stronger bond. Those shared revelations can really cement a relationship because when you're real with them, it invites them to let their own mask drop and be real with you, too.
I have several friends that I can be totally real with. They've seen me at my worst and yet are still speaking to me. They've seen me bawling and crying over minor things that I should've handled with ease. They've heard me whine and complain when honestly I had nothing to whine or complain about. And they love me, even so! Would they still love me if I hadn't been so honest with them? Probably, but the friendship is deeper and richer in my opinion because of it. Because usually, if we're real with someone, it lets them know that they can be real right back. It lets them know that we trust them enough to share the deep places of our soul. Obviously, though, you should use a little discernment and not just open up and lay your soul bare for just anyone. I"m not saying to be honest and transparent with the stranger in line at Food Lion, necessarily. But you have to be the judge of that, I suppose!
It seems to me that wearing a mask all the time physically would get dreadfully tiring, and would make your head kind of stuffy (especially the heavy kind with lots of feathers). Plus it would affect your peripheral vision, make it hard to see clearly. I'm sure the same things hold true for emotional/spiritual masks as well. I think it's only when we take the mask off and let others see our real face - warts and all - that we can truly breathe freely and see the world around us.
So, have you heard the song? How did it speak to you?
Monday, August 16, 2010
Ahhh... Starbuck's doubleshot energy + coffee drinks. In particular, vanilla flavored. Awesome, awesome. Tons 'o caffeine. They're my new best friend. Well, at least this morning. Today is Monday. Which means I am in Atlanta. Which means I should have gotten a decent amount of sleep last night to make the drive to Atlanta a fairly safe one. But alas, that was not to be. I had the bright idea to spend the night at my folks house with the kids like we did last week to make my drip to Atlanta shorter and to spend some unhurried time with my folks. Plus since Greg wasn't feeling good at all this weekend (throwing up and stomach cramps - please pray for him!) and since his mom (who surprised us by arriving a day early for her visit on Friday) wasn't feeling well either, I thought it made sense on so many levels. This way, the kids would already be at mom & dad's so there would be no figuring out transportation or anything like that to get them there today. And it worked really well last week when we tried it, so I thought, why not? Why not, indeed. Oh, let me count the reasons...
First of all, last week I arrived at their house exhausted and just in time for bed. The kids had gone down earlier and had spent the afternoon swimming and playing and so were exhausted, too. We had our monthly Awakening Service at church, so I'd been to that and was still in the clouds after an amazing time of worship. So getting Noah and thus me to sleep was a piece of cake. I don't think either of us even moved during the night! Yesterday, however, we had all 3 gone down together and had a wonderful afternoon, visiting friends and swimming and laughing and playing. I was hoping that Noah would opt to sleep with Nana and PawPaw, but nope. He chose mommy. Which was fine, except I was thinking that I'd actually have the bed to myself for once (since Noah is a bed hog and gets that totally from his daddy). So we start to bed at 9:00. Finally get serious about it around 9:30, after lots of giggling and talking and a really long prayer time, which was very cool. Noah basically wanted to pray for everyone at church individually and his memory was quite good! So once we finished all that, I'm thinking we're good to go. But nope. He couldn't get comfortable, he was thirsty, he had to go potty, he needed to swap pillows... ordinarily at home, I'm a lot more no nonsense and tough on him at bedtime (and it helps that Greg's there to help keep him in line) but since Anna was asleep in the next room (sans sound machine) and since sound carries well in their house, I was really worried about waking her up. So instead of my usual tactics (which probably would have resulted in a spanking fairly early on), I tried to just stay calm and keep telling him to go to sleep. (Yes, yes, I know that this was not being consistent with him, which is a problem in and of itself. I'm not very good at this mommy business, so that's not surprising. But as I said, I knew that if Anna woke up, I was totally sunk, so chose to go this route...)
My calmness lasted until about 10:35. I tried to hide the fact that I was getting totally furious until about 10:45. I don't remember what the final straw was, but it was probably either a kick accompanied by a whine or maybe it was a request for more juice or to go back to the potty. Whatever it was, I jumped out of bed and turned on the lamp so quickly that I knocked it over, scaring Noah and calming me down somewhat. But I was still pretty fired up and trying really hard not to yell and not to cuss and not to just generally make things a whole lot worse. So I paced to the door and back a few times and whispered quite harshly to him about how it was long past time to be asleep, and how mommy had to get up really early, etc., etc. As you can imagine, this had no effect, other than to cause crying and more whining about how he wasn't sleepy, blah, blah. I texted back and forth with Greg 'cause I knew I needed serious backup and finally called him. He calmed me down and prayed with me, which helped immensely. So we settle back in, both of us calmer and after I apologized for "talking ugly" to him and getting his forgiveness (and him with a sippy cup with more juice, which Greg thought might help get him to sleep quicker). Greg was right - by 11:30, he was asleep and so I drifted off as well.
Fast forward to 2:00... I'm dreaming about sleeping in a puddle of water. No, wait. I'm awake and am in fact sleeping in a puddle of water. ARGH! Noah hasn't wet the bed in ages and although he usually sleeps in a diaper, just in case, it's been dry in the morning for quite some time now. Of course, none of that factors in extra juice in the middle of the night! He's soaked, I'm soaked, the bed is soaked. Sigh. I get all of that cleaned up and finally get back to sleep, waking up every 10 or 15 minutes until about 3:30. So when my alarm went off at 4, I about jumped out of my skin! I was so tempted to hit snooze, but I know better. I had to kick my snooze habit long ago because I abuse it badly. So I stumble to the shower, after waking my dad and passing Noah over to his care (didn't want him to wake up by himself in "strange" surroundings).
So there you go - the sad saga of my sorry Sunday night's sleep. Don't know why I felt the need to go into such detail, but hey! Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest, know what I mean? Maybe my next post will be more... I don't know, intellectually or spiritually stimulating, shall we say? Or maybe it'll be something totally inane and idiotic and equally as detail-oriented as this one. Feel free to NOT read these, by the way! I know there are many more uplifting and encouraging blogs. But since this one belongs to me, it's definitely going to have it's more mundane moments. Variety is the spice of life, right? And since I have the aforementioned Starbucks Doubleshot energy + coffee coursing through my veins this morning, inane and mundane chatter is definitely more my speed right now. I almost feel sorry for my co-workers who have to actually hear me today. You, dear reader, can simply close this window or surf to another blog. They, however, are going to have to be in the same office space with me and have to hear my pointless musings at a fairly rapid pace. I started to feel a twinge of remorse in advance for subjecting them to this, but thankfully, the feeling passed!
Ah, Mondays! Gotta love 'em.
Monday, June 14, 2010
A Conversation with a Changed Man
I just had the most awesome talk with one of the guys at work who just returned from a mission trip to Guatemala with his 13 year old son. God totally rocked his world last week and it was so cool to hear him share just a few of the things he saw and experienced and learned while serving the Guatemalan people. He was already a really strong believer - a leader in so many ways, both in his church and in the business world. But life has changed for him.
He spoke about our need to surrender. Every day, every moment. Surrender everything. What a difference that would make in our daily life if we could just do that! It sounds simple, but isn't it one of the hardest acts a human can contemplate? To willingly relinquish control of anything is difficult. But to give over and yield your very being? Wow. Even when I think I'm doing that in regard to something, in reality I'm not. Like when I think I surrender my worry about finances. I think I give it to God and lay it at the foot of the cross... only to turn around and pick it up 2 seconds later so I can fret about it even more. Or when I pray about something, but instead of relying on God and trusting Him to reveal His plan in His time, I decide to help Him out. "You know what, God? I've got this. Don't worry about that prayer I just said - scratch all that. I can handle this on my own. No need to bug You with it!" What I really mean is that I don't trust Him. I don't put my faith in Him to get me through. I don't want to surrender anything to His control. I want to keep it clutched in my grubbly little fist. Surrender. The word has such bad connotations! A defeated enemy. A blood-stained battleground. How do we reconcile that to the beautiful picture that God intended? To just putting all our problems and cares into His ever-so-capable hands, like a child giving his dad a broken toy, knowing that all will soon be made right. Surrender. So much to think about, caught up in that one word.
He also talked about joy. When did we lose our joy and become anxious beings? When did things like money and security take over our thought life? Like he said, it's a gradual process. You never even realize that your thoughts are turning more and more toward the mundane and less and less toward the sacred. When did I cease to find joy in the simple things? When did I cease to be joyful and grateful to my Creator and to express that joy and gratitude to Him on a regular basis? How did I let that happen? I've heard that there's a difference between happiness and joy. One is based on our circumstances; the other, based on something inside us. Something that isn't affected by our situation at all. Shouldn't our joy spring from the knowledge that our God is sovreign and is in control of the universe? Shouldn't it come from an unwavering reliance on Him in each and every moment of our life? When did I lose my joy? When did I let it become tainted by everyday nuisances? When did I start to focus more on the trivialities and inconsequential things in my life and less on communing with my Lord and Savior? Joy. So much to think about in that one word, too.
Greg talks a lot about worship. About worshipping in spite of what's going on in life. In spite of the problems, the nuisances of daily life. Isn't one aspect of worship being totally surrendered to God? Could surrender be considered the ultimate act of worship? And couldn't joy be considered a byproduct of that act? We surrender our hearts and our souls and our minds to God, yielding to His control, thus accepting the peace of His joy in our life. Unfathomable joy. Like His peace that passes understanding, His joy likewise is totally beyond comprehension. Wow.
Lord, I acknowledge you as Creator of the Universe and acknowledge my smallness in relation to You. Who am I that You are mindful of me? Who am I that You died for me? I give You this moment of worship and praise. Give You the adoration that is due You and You alone. Thank You for what you did last week in Guatemala. Thank You for what you did in my friend's heart. And thank You for letting me hear about a portion of it. I wasn't on the mission field last week with K and his son. I didn't stay in a squallid little hut or pray with people as they heard about Christ for the first time and accepted Him as their Savior. But my life has been touched by his experiences. My outlook has been changed now; my perspective, realigned. All from one ten minute conversation with a co-worker.
So now I know what I need to do today... surrender it all. Easy? No. Scary? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely. Will I succeed in surrendering my Monday to God? Maybe; maybe not. But I will succeed in surrendering this moment to Him. And this one, and the next. And at the end of the day, my prayer is that there will have been more moments surrendered than not. More moments spent resting in His joy than not. More moments focusing on Him. For that's really what it's all about, isn't it? Our focus in life. So, Lord, change my focus today. Show me the things that I'm clinging to too tightly. Help me to realize what I'm clutching in my grubby little fist. Help me to let everything go and to rest in the joy of surrendering to You. In Jesus' name. Amen.
He spoke about our need to surrender. Every day, every moment. Surrender everything. What a difference that would make in our daily life if we could just do that! It sounds simple, but isn't it one of the hardest acts a human can contemplate? To willingly relinquish control of anything is difficult. But to give over and yield your very being? Wow. Even when I think I'm doing that in regard to something, in reality I'm not. Like when I think I surrender my worry about finances. I think I give it to God and lay it at the foot of the cross... only to turn around and pick it up 2 seconds later so I can fret about it even more. Or when I pray about something, but instead of relying on God and trusting Him to reveal His plan in His time, I decide to help Him out. "You know what, God? I've got this. Don't worry about that prayer I just said - scratch all that. I can handle this on my own. No need to bug You with it!" What I really mean is that I don't trust Him. I don't put my faith in Him to get me through. I don't want to surrender anything to His control. I want to keep it clutched in my grubbly little fist. Surrender. The word has such bad connotations! A defeated enemy. A blood-stained battleground. How do we reconcile that to the beautiful picture that God intended? To just putting all our problems and cares into His ever-so-capable hands, like a child giving his dad a broken toy, knowing that all will soon be made right. Surrender. So much to think about, caught up in that one word.
He also talked about joy. When did we lose our joy and become anxious beings? When did things like money and security take over our thought life? Like he said, it's a gradual process. You never even realize that your thoughts are turning more and more toward the mundane and less and less toward the sacred. When did I cease to find joy in the simple things? When did I cease to be joyful and grateful to my Creator and to express that joy and gratitude to Him on a regular basis? How did I let that happen? I've heard that there's a difference between happiness and joy. One is based on our circumstances; the other, based on something inside us. Something that isn't affected by our situation at all. Shouldn't our joy spring from the knowledge that our God is sovreign and is in control of the universe? Shouldn't it come from an unwavering reliance on Him in each and every moment of our life? When did I lose my joy? When did I let it become tainted by everyday nuisances? When did I start to focus more on the trivialities and inconsequential things in my life and less on communing with my Lord and Savior? Joy. So much to think about in that one word, too.
Greg talks a lot about worship. About worshipping in spite of what's going on in life. In spite of the problems, the nuisances of daily life. Isn't one aspect of worship being totally surrendered to God? Could surrender be considered the ultimate act of worship? And couldn't joy be considered a byproduct of that act? We surrender our hearts and our souls and our minds to God, yielding to His control, thus accepting the peace of His joy in our life. Unfathomable joy. Like His peace that passes understanding, His joy likewise is totally beyond comprehension. Wow.
Lord, I acknowledge you as Creator of the Universe and acknowledge my smallness in relation to You. Who am I that You are mindful of me? Who am I that You died for me? I give You this moment of worship and praise. Give You the adoration that is due You and You alone. Thank You for what you did last week in Guatemala. Thank You for what you did in my friend's heart. And thank You for letting me hear about a portion of it. I wasn't on the mission field last week with K and his son. I didn't stay in a squallid little hut or pray with people as they heard about Christ for the first time and accepted Him as their Savior. But my life has been touched by his experiences. My outlook has been changed now; my perspective, realigned. All from one ten minute conversation with a co-worker.
So now I know what I need to do today... surrender it all. Easy? No. Scary? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely. Will I succeed in surrendering my Monday to God? Maybe; maybe not. But I will succeed in surrendering this moment to Him. And this one, and the next. And at the end of the day, my prayer is that there will have been more moments surrendered than not. More moments spent resting in His joy than not. More moments focusing on Him. For that's really what it's all about, isn't it? Our focus in life. So, Lord, change my focus today. Show me the things that I'm clinging to too tightly. Help me to realize what I'm clutching in my grubby little fist. Help me to let everything go and to rest in the joy of surrendering to You. In Jesus' name. Amen.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Can I climb up in your lap?
Seems like it's been forever since I've blogged! But today, the boys are still napping and Anna is happily occupied, alternately between dancing around the room singing and sitting at my feet, playing with random toys. This morning at church, Kenny sang a song by MercyMe called "Keep Singing". If you're not familiar with it, it's a short little song about how during the midst of all our pain and suffering, when we wonder how we'll ever make it through, we've got to (yep, you guessed it!) keep singing. There's a part in the middle that talks about climbing up in God's lap: "Can I climb up in Your lap? Hold me, Lord; rock me, Lord... I don't want to leave." Kenny talked about how anyone who's ever been a parent knows how it touches your heart to have your kids climb up in your lap for a cuddle. Well, that got me to thinking... and to crying... because that morning I'd been so busy trying to get the kids ready and out the door for church (still didn't make it on time!) and busy fighting with Noah aobut silly things, that when Anna Grace came over and wanted me to pick her up, I was irritated. Yes, irritated. It makes me feel guilty all over again as I'm typing that! I didn't want to slow down and take the few minutes to see what she wanted or needed or even just to savor the experience of holding my daughter close for a second or two during the hustle and bustle. I should be relishing those precious moments and not taking them for granted. What does it matter if Noah wants to wear his batman pajamas? I mean, does it really matter, in the grand scheme of things?
So as I'm typing this, here comes Anna Grace, wanting up in my lap again... think I'm going to even hesitate to cut this short and cuddle with my precious daughter! Nope! :)
So as I'm typing this, here comes Anna Grace, wanting up in my lap again... think I'm going to even hesitate to cut this short and cuddle with my precious daughter! Nope! :)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Simplify? Unplug? Disconnect?
Greg spent some time during the last week out in Mississippi. His trip had several purposes and several outcomes as well. One of the purposes was helping his mom do some projects around the house (which went well - no arguing, thank the Lord!). But he also got to spend a lot of time with our friends the Brandons on their farm. Talk about a breath of fresh air, both physically and spiritually! His time with them has seemed to energize him on so many levels. He has returned home determined to make some changes - some much needed changes - in the way we do things as a family. I'm excited about the changes and about the conversations we've had since he's returned. Lots of talking about simplifying our life, focusing on what truly matters and letting the rest go. Such a concept! So... well, so SIMPLE. And yet the execution of it can be so terrifyingly hard. We rely so much on technology, mostly on our computers and on being "connected". A good thing in many ways, but how much connection is too much?
Most of the time I am all for getting rid of the satellite or cable or whatever. Let's face it: we watch basically one show a week - The Biggest Loser on Tuesday nights. The rest of the time, if the TV's on at all, it's on kid's shows that we have recorded. Since I've ben on my diet, we haven't even watched Food Network. We tell ourselves, though, that we NEED the TV. We tell ourselves that we're going to start watching conferences on God TV, or tuning into the Prayer Room's Live Feed on there. We tell ourselves that we need it in case there is bad weather, or a national crisis of some sort, or in case we want to watch football during the fall, or ..... whatever. But all of that we can get on our computers, so why keep the TV? A sense of security? Who knows.
And you know, even the kid's shows that we watch have gotten worse. At first we thought we were being so careful about what Noah watched. But even being careful, does he really need to watch those things? We've told my parents, "Just because it's a cartoon does NOT mean it's acceptable!" and have tried to make sure that what he sees there is in line with what we want. But you never know these days. We saw a commercial for a Showtime series about lesbians on the the Food Network - yet another reason not to watch that channel any more! For a while, we kept him on the Disney channel shows - and then, only in the mornings when it was for littler kids. But then he went through his Star Wars phase, so we recorded some of the new Clone Wars on the Cartoon Network. We quickly realized the difference: Disney doesn't have commericals, while CN has a gazillion commercials during the one half hour show. So then of course he was asking to watch other shows or wanting to go buy the toys advertised. He still only does a handful of shows, though (Imagination Movers and Backyardigans mostly, but the occasional Max & Ruby or Clone Wars or Wiggles, too). But when he actually knows the individual episodes of the shows by name when we call them out from the DVR list, how can that be a good thing?
And what about the video games? We knew we didn't want Noah to follow our bad habits but of course he is to a large degree. We both love video games, so now Noah does to. We tell ourselves that at least he's interacting, and at least some of the Wii games are physically active, but we're just rationalizing, aren't we? We console ourselves with the fact that he still loves to play outside and prefers that to all other activities... for now. But how long before our "couch potato" tendencies kill that as well? So we're trying to make conscious efforts to turn off the video games and the TV and to be outside a lot more, whether it's playing, working in the yard, or just being outside. But it is very hard, especially for me. Because a lot of the time when I'm on the computer, I'm working. The same with Greg, too. So it makes life a lot easier for me if Noah is playing one of his video games because then I can work and still talk to him and interact with him and Anna. And I feel hypocritical telling him that he needs to turn off the game when I'm still sitting behind the computer screen. Mainly because he doesn't know the difference between "Mommy working" and "Mommy playing on facebook" - it all looks the same from the other side of the laptop.
But I have totally digressed... one of the things Greg mentioned when he got back from Mississippi was that he hated our bedroom. At first, I was a little offended! I had worked really really hard while he was gone, putting away the stacks of clean clothes that I seem to accumulate on any flat surface, cleaning off all the clutter we had piled in there, taking the bins of winter clothes and the box of books that sat in the corner for the entire two years we've lived here out of the room and out to the back porch so that they can go to the barn. I had tried really hard to make our bedroom more of a sanctuary and a relaxing place and not just a junk room that happened to house our bed. So his comment really irked me at first! Until he finished the thought... "I hate our bedroom because there are no windows in there!" At first we thought that was a good thing. After all, it's much easier to take a nap when the room is dark. But he had been used to waking up much earlier on the farm, with all the beautiful early morning sunshine streaming into the room and with the crowing of the roosters! So he's been trying to get up early and go outside to spend some time with the Lord before he starts his day. Those of you who know him, know that this is a HUGE change from our normal routine. Before last week, he would usually sleep in (usually because he didn't sleep well the night before) and then once he got up, he would have to have at least an hour to slooooowly wake up, get a shower, drink some caffeine, check his emails, check out foxnews.com... after his hour, then and only then could I start talking to him and asking questions (because I'm a morning person and hit the ground asking questions and talking a mile a minute!). So I'm really excited about this change. I'll still give him his hour to wake up, but it's made easier knowing that he's talking to the Father, know what I mean?
So just a few days on the farm reset his thinking in a sense. Made him want to simplify our lives. He's wanting to take us all out to Mississippi for a vacation - I can't wait!! Let's go NOW! I want to recharge my spirit like Greg has. I want to relax in the early morning sunlight on the porch with nothing more pressing than whether or not to take a walk down by the pond before breakfast. As an aside to all this, we've also been looking at moving somewhere cheaper than our current house. We're trying to find something that would make it easier to make ends meet and - novel concept! - enable us to actually save some money or perhaps even bless others for a change. At first, we were looking closer to Lafayette, since that would be closer to my folks and closer to free babysitting. But now we're just looking. So we're sitting at dinner last night and talking about some rental houses Greg saw advertised, when he throws out, "Eunice's house is for rent..." OK, I'll bite: "Who's Eunice?" Turns out, that's a little house that's next to the farm. In Mississippi. Not exactly a workable commute! Or is it? How much money could we save? How much would our lifestyle change automatically, just by living close to the farm? Greg said that if we lived out there, I wouldn't have to work. I don't know if that's true or not, but the idea was oh so appealing! But you know, really, it doesn't matter where we live - I work via email and across the internet connection with an occasional fedex package delivered to my door. That can happen anywhere - Mississippi or an island in the Pacific or a snow covered igloo in the arctic tundra (well, anywhere that has an internet connection anyway).
But before any of our friends from Hope start freaking out, thinking we're relocating to Pontotoc, rest assured. As tempting as the idea may be, we both know that God put us at Hope Fellowship and that's where we'll be until He sends us somewhere else. And though the idea is tempting, it's not the ideal solution either. So the question becomes, can we incorporate the ideals and lifestyle and ways of living on a farm here in our house in Chickamauga? Absolutely! Well, maybe not all of them. I don't foresee us getting goats and chickens in the near future - don't think our landlady would approve! But living a simpler, less plugged in life? Paring out some of the bad habits we've allowed to creep in? Focusing on the things that should be a priority? Living outside more? Turning off the technology for a while and doing more with the kids? How simple. And how totally radical.
I'll let you know how our journey to simplify our life goes. It won't be easy at times. Like right now... we had planned to take the kids to daycare so we could get some errands run and get the house in order, etc. But Noah doesn't want to go. He's playing his video game and crying and saying he wants to stay with us. But the reality is that he doesn't want to stop playing his game... so while I've been blogging about all this, I should have been outside with my son. *Sigh* Some lessons are going to take a while to learn, I suppose.
Most of the time I am all for getting rid of the satellite or cable or whatever. Let's face it: we watch basically one show a week - The Biggest Loser on Tuesday nights. The rest of the time, if the TV's on at all, it's on kid's shows that we have recorded. Since I've ben on my diet, we haven't even watched Food Network. We tell ourselves, though, that we NEED the TV. We tell ourselves that we're going to start watching conferences on God TV, or tuning into the Prayer Room's Live Feed on there. We tell ourselves that we need it in case there is bad weather, or a national crisis of some sort, or in case we want to watch football during the fall, or ..... whatever. But all of that we can get on our computers, so why keep the TV? A sense of security? Who knows.
And you know, even the kid's shows that we watch have gotten worse. At first we thought we were being so careful about what Noah watched. But even being careful, does he really need to watch those things? We've told my parents, "Just because it's a cartoon does NOT mean it's acceptable!" and have tried to make sure that what he sees there is in line with what we want. But you never know these days. We saw a commercial for a Showtime series about lesbians on the the Food Network - yet another reason not to watch that channel any more! For a while, we kept him on the Disney channel shows - and then, only in the mornings when it was for littler kids. But then he went through his Star Wars phase, so we recorded some of the new Clone Wars on the Cartoon Network. We quickly realized the difference: Disney doesn't have commericals, while CN has a gazillion commercials during the one half hour show. So then of course he was asking to watch other shows or wanting to go buy the toys advertised. He still only does a handful of shows, though (Imagination Movers and Backyardigans mostly, but the occasional Max & Ruby or Clone Wars or Wiggles, too). But when he actually knows the individual episodes of the shows by name when we call them out from the DVR list, how can that be a good thing?
And what about the video games? We knew we didn't want Noah to follow our bad habits but of course he is to a large degree. We both love video games, so now Noah does to. We tell ourselves that at least he's interacting, and at least some of the Wii games are physically active, but we're just rationalizing, aren't we? We console ourselves with the fact that he still loves to play outside and prefers that to all other activities... for now. But how long before our "couch potato" tendencies kill that as well? So we're trying to make conscious efforts to turn off the video games and the TV and to be outside a lot more, whether it's playing, working in the yard, or just being outside. But it is very hard, especially for me. Because a lot of the time when I'm on the computer, I'm working. The same with Greg, too. So it makes life a lot easier for me if Noah is playing one of his video games because then I can work and still talk to him and interact with him and Anna. And I feel hypocritical telling him that he needs to turn off the game when I'm still sitting behind the computer screen. Mainly because he doesn't know the difference between "Mommy working" and "Mommy playing on facebook" - it all looks the same from the other side of the laptop.
But I have totally digressed... one of the things Greg mentioned when he got back from Mississippi was that he hated our bedroom. At first, I was a little offended! I had worked really really hard while he was gone, putting away the stacks of clean clothes that I seem to accumulate on any flat surface, cleaning off all the clutter we had piled in there, taking the bins of winter clothes and the box of books that sat in the corner for the entire two years we've lived here out of the room and out to the back porch so that they can go to the barn. I had tried really hard to make our bedroom more of a sanctuary and a relaxing place and not just a junk room that happened to house our bed. So his comment really irked me at first! Until he finished the thought... "I hate our bedroom because there are no windows in there!" At first we thought that was a good thing. After all, it's much easier to take a nap when the room is dark. But he had been used to waking up much earlier on the farm, with all the beautiful early morning sunshine streaming into the room and with the crowing of the roosters! So he's been trying to get up early and go outside to spend some time with the Lord before he starts his day. Those of you who know him, know that this is a HUGE change from our normal routine. Before last week, he would usually sleep in (usually because he didn't sleep well the night before) and then once he got up, he would have to have at least an hour to slooooowly wake up, get a shower, drink some caffeine, check his emails, check out foxnews.com... after his hour, then and only then could I start talking to him and asking questions (because I'm a morning person and hit the ground asking questions and talking a mile a minute!). So I'm really excited about this change. I'll still give him his hour to wake up, but it's made easier knowing that he's talking to the Father, know what I mean?
So just a few days on the farm reset his thinking in a sense. Made him want to simplify our lives. He's wanting to take us all out to Mississippi for a vacation - I can't wait!! Let's go NOW! I want to recharge my spirit like Greg has. I want to relax in the early morning sunlight on the porch with nothing more pressing than whether or not to take a walk down by the pond before breakfast. As an aside to all this, we've also been looking at moving somewhere cheaper than our current house. We're trying to find something that would make it easier to make ends meet and - novel concept! - enable us to actually save some money or perhaps even bless others for a change. At first, we were looking closer to Lafayette, since that would be closer to my folks and closer to free babysitting. But now we're just looking. So we're sitting at dinner last night and talking about some rental houses Greg saw advertised, when he throws out, "Eunice's house is for rent..." OK, I'll bite: "Who's Eunice?" Turns out, that's a little house that's next to the farm. In Mississippi. Not exactly a workable commute! Or is it? How much money could we save? How much would our lifestyle change automatically, just by living close to the farm? Greg said that if we lived out there, I wouldn't have to work. I don't know if that's true or not, but the idea was oh so appealing! But you know, really, it doesn't matter where we live - I work via email and across the internet connection with an occasional fedex package delivered to my door. That can happen anywhere - Mississippi or an island in the Pacific or a snow covered igloo in the arctic tundra (well, anywhere that has an internet connection anyway).
But before any of our friends from Hope start freaking out, thinking we're relocating to Pontotoc, rest assured. As tempting as the idea may be, we both know that God put us at Hope Fellowship and that's where we'll be until He sends us somewhere else. And though the idea is tempting, it's not the ideal solution either. So the question becomes, can we incorporate the ideals and lifestyle and ways of living on a farm here in our house in Chickamauga? Absolutely! Well, maybe not all of them. I don't foresee us getting goats and chickens in the near future - don't think our landlady would approve! But living a simpler, less plugged in life? Paring out some of the bad habits we've allowed to creep in? Focusing on the things that should be a priority? Living outside more? Turning off the technology for a while and doing more with the kids? How simple. And how totally radical.
I'll let you know how our journey to simplify our life goes. It won't be easy at times. Like right now... we had planned to take the kids to daycare so we could get some errands run and get the house in order, etc. But Noah doesn't want to go. He's playing his video game and crying and saying he wants to stay with us. But the reality is that he doesn't want to stop playing his game... so while I've been blogging about all this, I should have been outside with my son. *Sigh* Some lessons are going to take a while to learn, I suppose.
Friday, April 9, 2010
It's finally Friday
For some reason, this has been an extremely tough week for me. Don't really know why, and to be honest, not really sure what exactly I'm meaning by "extremely tough". I just know that I feel tired. Not just physically tired, but mentally and emotionally, too. Again, I'm not sure why. I mean, I'm sleeping at night and all that, but I have been waking up around 4:00 and just laying here for a while, worrying. How silly is that?? And not just worrying about any one thing. Oh no - I'm worrying about anything and everything. Things in the past, things in the future that I have no control over... worrying about my kids, worrying about my marriage, worrying about my job, worrying about the price of tea in China. You name it, I've probably worried about it recently. It's really weird, but my spirit feels heavier this week somehow, which has probably caused all the worrying. You would think that after coming off of a week to celebrate Christ's sacrifice and His resurrection, that my spirit would be soaring! But I just feel weighted down, you know? *sigh*
OK, enough of the depressing stuff. I know what Greg would say, "Well, just get over it and stop letting the enemy steal your joy!" I know he's right; I'm just not as good at actually doing that sometimes. No excuse, but there you go. So let's talk about something cheerful, shall we? Let's see... it is in fact Friday. Hallelujah! I'm quite thankful for that, mainly because I'm hoping that with the end of this week, my malaise will lift and I'll be in my normal regular everyday run-of-the-mill mood again (which is generally a happy one). Hmmm... what else is going on? Greg's mom (aka Moo) is visiting us this week, so again, you'd think I would have been in a wonderful mood all week. She is a big help and the kids always enjoy her being here. She and Grg took Noah fishing on Wednesday and he had a blast. Then yesterday since it rained and since I had a ton of work to do, they played in the garage all day: had a picnic, sang songs, filled bird feeders. Noah even napped with her on the couch yesterday, which is HUGE for us. Anna Grace is still being very clingy and fussy. I think she's feeling better, but she's been in a bad mood this week, too. She has her mama's temper, which is NOT a good thing. She's napping now, though, and I'm supposed to be working and taking advantage of the break. But I'm not - I'm typing on here. For no apparent reason and really with no purpose. Just rambling... but sometimes rambling feels good.
The house isn't quiet today - Noah has the Backyardigans playing in the living room, and Moo & Greg are discussing horses and tractors and thorny bushes. Yesterday was too quiet with Moo & Noah in the garage, and Anna at the daycare. She enjoys getting all the attention from the ladies there and from the older kids. Now, Noah is playing the guitar and just announced to the room in general, "I need a toothpick so I can play my guitar." I think he's been upset for the last little bit because Greg told him he couldn't go play the "loud drums" (that's what he call the non-electronic ones that we have set up in the garage right now) since Anna's sleeping. Now he's arguing with Greg about looking for his ornament guitar... Greg had absolutely no idea what he was talking about (a little red guitar-shaped Christmas ornament, obviously!). Noah went outside to look for it on the back porch and apparently let a bug in the house when he came back in, which resulted in a brief discussion of bugs. Oddly enough, this was broken up by the arrival of the bug man (an exterminator, and not some giant monster).
We're doing an old hymn this Sunday at Hope: "Be Thou My Vision". I'm looking forward to it. Some of those old hymns have the most amazing words - but often we just fly right through them and don't even hear what we're singing. "...Thou my best thought / by day or by night / waking or sleeping / Thy presence my light." (I should remember that in the morning at 4:00 - it's hard to worry when you're communing with the Lord.) "...Thou my great Father / I Thy true son / Thou in me dwelling / and I with Thee one." Lord, I pray that You make these words more real to me today. Help them not to be just empty phrases, but help me to really take hold of the truths behind them. Forgive me for giving in to anxiety and irritability and general foolishness. Thank You for the blessings of the week, especially those that I was too caught up in myself to notice. Thank You that You never leave us or forsake us, that You're always here with me, even when I'm wallowing in self pity! Thank You that not only is each day new, but each moment is, too, and I can choose to take my thoughts captive and to, in fact, do as Greg suggested - to get over it and reclaim the joy that comes from You.
Thanks, dear reader, for putting up with my bad mood today. Hopefully I'll have a "part 2" that's a little more lively later, but for now duty calls. Greg just came in to tell me that he's not feeling good and is going to lay down. Noah's begging to go to Chuck E. Cheese's now (egads!) and it's about time for little girl to get up from her nap. Happy Friday y'all! :)
OK, enough of the depressing stuff. I know what Greg would say, "Well, just get over it and stop letting the enemy steal your joy!" I know he's right; I'm just not as good at actually doing that sometimes. No excuse, but there you go. So let's talk about something cheerful, shall we? Let's see... it is in fact Friday. Hallelujah! I'm quite thankful for that, mainly because I'm hoping that with the end of this week, my malaise will lift and I'll be in my normal regular everyday run-of-the-mill mood again (which is generally a happy one). Hmmm... what else is going on? Greg's mom (aka Moo) is visiting us this week, so again, you'd think I would have been in a wonderful mood all week. She is a big help and the kids always enjoy her being here. She and Grg took Noah fishing on Wednesday and he had a blast. Then yesterday since it rained and since I had a ton of work to do, they played in the garage all day: had a picnic, sang songs, filled bird feeders. Noah even napped with her on the couch yesterday, which is HUGE for us. Anna Grace is still being very clingy and fussy. I think she's feeling better, but she's been in a bad mood this week, too. She has her mama's temper, which is NOT a good thing. She's napping now, though, and I'm supposed to be working and taking advantage of the break. But I'm not - I'm typing on here. For no apparent reason and really with no purpose. Just rambling... but sometimes rambling feels good.
The house isn't quiet today - Noah has the Backyardigans playing in the living room, and Moo & Greg are discussing horses and tractors and thorny bushes. Yesterday was too quiet with Moo & Noah in the garage, and Anna at the daycare. She enjoys getting all the attention from the ladies there and from the older kids. Now, Noah is playing the guitar and just announced to the room in general, "I need a toothpick so I can play my guitar." I think he's been upset for the last little bit because Greg told him he couldn't go play the "loud drums" (that's what he call the non-electronic ones that we have set up in the garage right now) since Anna's sleeping. Now he's arguing with Greg about looking for his ornament guitar... Greg had absolutely no idea what he was talking about (a little red guitar-shaped Christmas ornament, obviously!). Noah went outside to look for it on the back porch and apparently let a bug in the house when he came back in, which resulted in a brief discussion of bugs. Oddly enough, this was broken up by the arrival of the bug man (an exterminator, and not some giant monster).
We're doing an old hymn this Sunday at Hope: "Be Thou My Vision". I'm looking forward to it. Some of those old hymns have the most amazing words - but often we just fly right through them and don't even hear what we're singing. "...Thou my best thought / by day or by night / waking or sleeping / Thy presence my light." (I should remember that in the morning at 4:00 - it's hard to worry when you're communing with the Lord.) "...Thou my great Father / I Thy true son / Thou in me dwelling / and I with Thee one." Lord, I pray that You make these words more real to me today. Help them not to be just empty phrases, but help me to really take hold of the truths behind them. Forgive me for giving in to anxiety and irritability and general foolishness. Thank You for the blessings of the week, especially those that I was too caught up in myself to notice. Thank You that You never leave us or forsake us, that You're always here with me, even when I'm wallowing in self pity! Thank You that not only is each day new, but each moment is, too, and I can choose to take my thoughts captive and to, in fact, do as Greg suggested - to get over it and reclaim the joy that comes from You.
Thanks, dear reader, for putting up with my bad mood today. Hopefully I'll have a "part 2" that's a little more lively later, but for now duty calls. Greg just came in to tell me that he's not feeling good and is going to lay down. Noah's begging to go to Chuck E. Cheese's now (egads!) and it's about time for little girl to get up from her nap. Happy Friday y'all! :)
Friday, March 26, 2010
Long Time, No Post...
Goodness, it's been quite a few days since my last post! How'd that happen? I suppose life got in the way, as usual! :) Don't get me wrong - there were definitely a couple of things at least that I thought, "Hey! I should do a blog about that!" but just never put action behind the thought. Like the day I put new sandals on Anna with no socks and she rubbed blisters on both feet that bled like crazy? She never cried about it or anything - was too enamored with her first experience with a banana freezer pop, I suppose. But needless to say, I was totally consumed with guilt over her poor little feet! Or the day that Noah used the phrase "Heck no!" at supper? Or the day that we all went to the park and totally enjoyed the amazingly beautiful weather? Yep, that was the day that Noah turned to me and said, "Mommy, does this park have grass?" [the playground area is "fenced" in with landscape timbers and filled with wood chippings] I said, "Sure it does, right over there!" To which he replied, "Great 'cause I gotta pee!" and proceeded to run over there, pulling down his britches... Thankfully, Greg was quicker than Noah and scooped him up before we could get fined for public exposure or something and carried him to the bathroom. I had been telling Gregory for months that letting Noah "water the grass" at our house would come back to bite him in the behind one day!
And there were serious blogs to write, too. Blogs about how sad we were that some dear friends of ours have decided to move on and won't be at Hope Fellowship with us anymore. That caused a rough few days, let me tell you! The Sullivan household was a sad place, until we got our arms around the fact that God was truly leading them into bigger and better things and that we really have to let them go to follow where He's leading. But it still hurt! Other blogs that didn't get written were about my struggles with Medifast. Not very many (I'm still on plan, amazingly! Thank You, Lord!) but they're there, nonetheless. My struggles over having lots of moodiness and irritability with my husband (which he attributes to the soy in the medifast products). He hasn't asked me to stop the diet (well, he did threaten to hide my supplies one day!) but I have been thinking about it and praying about it. I just hate to stop when I'm having success, and am hoping that now that I realize I'm more irritable and moody than normal, that I can combat it and it won't be as much of an issue. Hopefully.
So now, I'm up to date. Kind of. And of course have totally forgotten what the actual purpose of this blog was going to be! Figures...
And there were serious blogs to write, too. Blogs about how sad we were that some dear friends of ours have decided to move on and won't be at Hope Fellowship with us anymore. That caused a rough few days, let me tell you! The Sullivan household was a sad place, until we got our arms around the fact that God was truly leading them into bigger and better things and that we really have to let them go to follow where He's leading. But it still hurt! Other blogs that didn't get written were about my struggles with Medifast. Not very many (I'm still on plan, amazingly! Thank You, Lord!) but they're there, nonetheless. My struggles over having lots of moodiness and irritability with my husband (which he attributes to the soy in the medifast products). He hasn't asked me to stop the diet (well, he did threaten to hide my supplies one day!) but I have been thinking about it and praying about it. I just hate to stop when I'm having success, and am hoping that now that I realize I'm more irritable and moody than normal, that I can combat it and it won't be as much of an issue. Hopefully.
So now, I'm up to date. Kind of. And of course have totally forgotten what the actual purpose of this blog was going to be! Figures...
Friday, March 12, 2010
My Sweet Husband and His First Love
My sweet husband posted the nicest post on his blog in honor of our four year anniversary yesterday. (Check it out here.) He's such a huge romantic at heart! He tries to come across as a gruff bear sometimes (and does in fact succeed at that at times!) but in reality, he's just a big cuddly teddy bear.
I love the fact that he's not ashamed to talk openly about his feelings and that he's not ashamed to cry. When he tears up, it always wrecks me. Especially when he's singing and worshipping. He'll get quiet and I'll glance over to see him communing with the Father and it totally wrecks me every time. It reminds me why I love him so much. Why we're still together - even with all our rocky times and ups and downs (it's been a wild four years, let me tell you!). We're together because I'm not his first love. His first love redeemed him from the pit about 18 years ago and turned his life around. His first love didn't care about his past, but saw the promise and the potential in him that I see. His first love is still the One he turns to when things get hard... and I wouldn't have it any other way. Because his first love is my first love, too - my beloved Jesus. He's definitely the glue that holds us together. Without Him, who knows where either of us would be.
It's hard to believe that it's only been four years ago that we said "I do". Sometimes it seems like we've known each other forever - we are soul mates and I firmly believe that God intended for us to be husband and wife - that He foreordained our union from before the foundations of the world. All the stuff that we went through to get to March 11, 2006, was preparation for our lives today. All the yuckiness of my first marriage. All the pain of Greg's first wife's fight with cancer. All those things made us who we are. Made us appreciate what we have together. One would hope that we would appreciate it enough so that we wouldn't fight... not the case yet, but we are pressing on toward that goal! And I have to say that our fights are fewer and farther between than they used to be. (Thank You, Lord, for that!) But I suppose that's what happens when you have two very passionate individuals, trying to learn to live together and trying to learn to be parents at the ripe old ages we are. It's a good thing that God's grace is sufficient - we need large daily doses of it to see us through.
So sitting here, four years later, do I have any insights or flashes of wisdom about where God's going to take us in the next four years? Nope, not at all. But I do know this: that I love my husband more today than I did at the beginning. That I'm more committed to him than I would have thought possible, that I want to be by his side no matter what comes our way, and that we're in this 'til death do us part. No, Gregory's not my first love. But I'll bet if you asked him, he'd have the same response that I did - he wouldn't have it any other way.
I love the fact that he's not ashamed to talk openly about his feelings and that he's not ashamed to cry. When he tears up, it always wrecks me. Especially when he's singing and worshipping. He'll get quiet and I'll glance over to see him communing with the Father and it totally wrecks me every time. It reminds me why I love him so much. Why we're still together - even with all our rocky times and ups and downs (it's been a wild four years, let me tell you!). We're together because I'm not his first love. His first love redeemed him from the pit about 18 years ago and turned his life around. His first love didn't care about his past, but saw the promise and the potential in him that I see. His first love is still the One he turns to when things get hard... and I wouldn't have it any other way. Because his first love is my first love, too - my beloved Jesus. He's definitely the glue that holds us together. Without Him, who knows where either of us would be.
It's hard to believe that it's only been four years ago that we said "I do". Sometimes it seems like we've known each other forever - we are soul mates and I firmly believe that God intended for us to be husband and wife - that He foreordained our union from before the foundations of the world. All the stuff that we went through to get to March 11, 2006, was preparation for our lives today. All the yuckiness of my first marriage. All the pain of Greg's first wife's fight with cancer. All those things made us who we are. Made us appreciate what we have together. One would hope that we would appreciate it enough so that we wouldn't fight... not the case yet, but we are pressing on toward that goal! And I have to say that our fights are fewer and farther between than they used to be. (Thank You, Lord, for that!) But I suppose that's what happens when you have two very passionate individuals, trying to learn to live together and trying to learn to be parents at the ripe old ages we are. It's a good thing that God's grace is sufficient - we need large daily doses of it to see us through.
So sitting here, four years later, do I have any insights or flashes of wisdom about where God's going to take us in the next four years? Nope, not at all. But I do know this: that I love my husband more today than I did at the beginning. That I'm more committed to him than I would have thought possible, that I want to be by his side no matter what comes our way, and that we're in this 'til death do us part. No, Gregory's not my first love. But I'll bet if you asked him, he'd have the same response that I did - he wouldn't have it any other way.
A Failed Kitchen Experiment
Well, we've had our first kitchen disaster since starting Medifast. We've tried lots of new veggies, experimented with different ways of cooking familiar veggies... but today's attempt to do the Roasted Kale Chips? A total and complete flop! My husband's comment: "These aren't bad, if you're in the burnt grass category." That about sums it up: burnt grass. Yuck! But I think I know the problem - the recipe I was using called for 35 minutes at 300 degrees. Unfortunately, I was trying to cook these around lunchtime while feeding my 3 year old and my 1 year old AND in the middle of a huge thunderstorm (complete with large hail) that was freaking both kids out. So I was a little distracted. Didn't think to even check the chips until there was less than 8 minutes on my timer, at which point they were already charred to a crisp. And while I wanted them crispy, this was definitely NOT what I had in mind. So I'll try again another time - a time when I can keep a closer watch on them! But it's not a total loss - I only used part of the kale I had bought, so at least I have supplies on hand to try again. Will keep you posted!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Update on my Vision Problems
I mentioned in my last post that I was going to the ophthalmologist to see if I could find out what was going on with my eyes. About a week after I started on Medifast, suddenly my vision was extremely blurry. It was like my glasses had been misplaced with someone else's overnight. I went to the Eye Center at Walmart where the eye doctor did a brief exam and said that my prescription had changed drastically. I told him about the new diet and that I was type 2 diabetic but that my blood sugar numbers had been great since starting the diet. (Prior to starting, I had been sporadic about taking my meds and sporadic about monitoring my numbers...) He said that the blurriness was due to deposits on my eyes shifting due to the fluctuations in my glucose numbers. OK... I thought it was weird that this had never happened before, especially since I had been on an insulin pump during both of my pregnancies and had extremely tight control on my diabetes during those times in my life. So why did my vision not freak out then?
So I get the new glasses and all is well... for a couple of weeks. Suddenly (overnight again!), everything's blurry again! Not as bad as the first time, but bad enough that it freaked me out. I had mentioned this to my primary care doctor when I saw him in February when one of the kids was sick, and he had told me that he would be glad to refer me to an ophthalmologist if it happened again. So off I go yesterday to the thus referred ophthalmologist to get some answers.
The good news: it's not early stages of diabetic retinopathy (which is what I was really worried about!) and it's not an eye infection. My eyes are healthy. He basically said the same thing the other guy did: this was due to my blood sugars changing. When I asked why it hadn't happened before, he basically said that you never know when dealing with blood sugars how they're going to affect things. Hmmmmm... OK..... so is this going to keep happening?? I certainly can't afford to keep getting new glasses (although Walmart does replace the lens for free within 60 days, thank the Lord!) and I certainly don't want to keep having my life turned upside down while I wait for new glasses - I'd been afraid to drive, which left my husband the sole chauffeur for the family. And it just feels weird to walk around and not be able to see things clearly, know what I mean?
So here we are. I'm waiting for the new lens to come in (supposed to be here in 11 days - how silly is that?? so much for expedited service!) and hoping that my eyes are through with their little bouts of fluctuations. On the one hand, I'm happy that my numbers are so great and that my diabetes is under control now that I'm on Medifast! Yippee! But on the other hand, it really is sobering to think about how bad I've been for the past year since my daughter was born. My numbers were never extraordinary high or anything like that - the highest I'd had was probably mid to upper 200's (my husband on the other hand has much higher numbers than I do, but that's the subject of another blog). I had kind of taken a "oh well - everything's fine" attitude about my diabetes (and about my health in general) and was totally in denial.
Until 2010. Suddenly, it was as if a switch had been flipped. Suddenly, I was ready to change my life. No looking back - onward and upward, on to bigger (well, actually smaller!) things. Suddenly, getting healthy is a huge priority for me. Maybe this was just a little reminder that I can't just ignore my health issues and hope they go away. Not anymore. I have to get healthy for my kids. No - scratch that - I have to get healthy for ME. Yes, my children are a huge incentive. They're extremely important and I want to be around to see them grow up! But the bottom line that explains why this time it's almost easy is that I'm doing this for me. Numero Uno. I've finally reached a point in my life where it's like God is saying to me (like He said to the Israelites), "This day I put before you life and death... therefore, choose life." It really is a matter of life and death, you know? I don't mean to be overly dramatic or anything. Shoot, maybe I do! :) But it's like all these verses from the Word are floating around in my mind - about presenting my body a living sacrifice, about my body being a temple of the Holy Spirit. Obviously I haven't been treating my temple very well at all!
[That reminded me of something: A few weeks ago, a friend of ours had an analogy that I thought was awesome about our new lifestyle with Medifast. At the time, my husband was doing it with me and we were at a very informal worship service at the coffeehouse, sharing what all was going on in our lives. A friend named Michael made the comment that we were remodeling our temples, and that remodeling can get messy, especially at first! Wow - there's so much insight in that comparison! So when the going gets tough, I remind myself that sometimes before you can remodel, you have to get out the sledge hammer and do some demolition... makes it easier to "crucify my flesh"! :)]
I feel like I've been rambling overly much in this post, but so be it. I tend to type like I talk, and I ramble lots and lots when I talk. But the bottom line is that I'm in this for the long haul. I can't wait until I can proudly count myself as one of the folks on here that have reached goal and kept it off for years and years. And I will reach my goal. Oh yes! That much I'm certain of - 'cause this time, I'm doing it for the right reasons.
So I get the new glasses and all is well... for a couple of weeks. Suddenly (overnight again!), everything's blurry again! Not as bad as the first time, but bad enough that it freaked me out. I had mentioned this to my primary care doctor when I saw him in February when one of the kids was sick, and he had told me that he would be glad to refer me to an ophthalmologist if it happened again. So off I go yesterday to the thus referred ophthalmologist to get some answers.
The good news: it's not early stages of diabetic retinopathy (which is what I was really worried about!) and it's not an eye infection. My eyes are healthy. He basically said the same thing the other guy did: this was due to my blood sugars changing. When I asked why it hadn't happened before, he basically said that you never know when dealing with blood sugars how they're going to affect things. Hmmmmm... OK..... so is this going to keep happening?? I certainly can't afford to keep getting new glasses (although Walmart does replace the lens for free within 60 days, thank the Lord!) and I certainly don't want to keep having my life turned upside down while I wait for new glasses - I'd been afraid to drive, which left my husband the sole chauffeur for the family. And it just feels weird to walk around and not be able to see things clearly, know what I mean?
So here we are. I'm waiting for the new lens to come in (supposed to be here in 11 days - how silly is that?? so much for expedited service!) and hoping that my eyes are through with their little bouts of fluctuations. On the one hand, I'm happy that my numbers are so great and that my diabetes is under control now that I'm on Medifast! Yippee! But on the other hand, it really is sobering to think about how bad I've been for the past year since my daughter was born. My numbers were never extraordinary high or anything like that - the highest I'd had was probably mid to upper 200's (my husband on the other hand has much higher numbers than I do, but that's the subject of another blog). I had kind of taken a "oh well - everything's fine" attitude about my diabetes (and about my health in general) and was totally in denial.
Until 2010. Suddenly, it was as if a switch had been flipped. Suddenly, I was ready to change my life. No looking back - onward and upward, on to bigger (well, actually smaller!) things. Suddenly, getting healthy is a huge priority for me. Maybe this was just a little reminder that I can't just ignore my health issues and hope they go away. Not anymore. I have to get healthy for my kids. No - scratch that - I have to get healthy for ME. Yes, my children are a huge incentive. They're extremely important and I want to be around to see them grow up! But the bottom line that explains why this time it's almost easy is that I'm doing this for me. Numero Uno. I've finally reached a point in my life where it's like God is saying to me (like He said to the Israelites), "This day I put before you life and death... therefore, choose life." It really is a matter of life and death, you know? I don't mean to be overly dramatic or anything. Shoot, maybe I do! :) But it's like all these verses from the Word are floating around in my mind - about presenting my body a living sacrifice, about my body being a temple of the Holy Spirit. Obviously I haven't been treating my temple very well at all!
[That reminded me of something: A few weeks ago, a friend of ours had an analogy that I thought was awesome about our new lifestyle with Medifast. At the time, my husband was doing it with me and we were at a very informal worship service at the coffeehouse, sharing what all was going on in our lives. A friend named Michael made the comment that we were remodeling our temples, and that remodeling can get messy, especially at first! Wow - there's so much insight in that comparison! So when the going gets tough, I remind myself that sometimes before you can remodel, you have to get out the sledge hammer and do some demolition... makes it easier to "crucify my flesh"! :)]
I feel like I've been rambling overly much in this post, but so be it. I tend to type like I talk, and I ramble lots and lots when I talk. But the bottom line is that I'm in this for the long haul. I can't wait until I can proudly count myself as one of the folks on here that have reached goal and kept it off for years and years. And I will reach my goal. Oh yes! That much I'm certain of - 'cause this time, I'm doing it for the right reasons.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Bye Bye Mr. Scale! Plus Hot Cocoa, the Biggest Loser, and My Eyes...
Well, I have made a momentous decision. I'm packing away my scale until next Tuesday. Actually, I'm having my husband pack away my scale - I'd give in long before then, I'm sure! You see, even though my health coach advised against it, I've been a daily weigher from the beginning. And we're not talking about just once a day, either - oh, no! Several times a day. Against all reason! Right after finishing a meal, when I know it's going to be up! I mean, c'mon - what's up with that thinking?? So this morning I decided that I wasn't going to let those little numbers influence my day any more. I saw a thread on the discussion boards about giving up weighing until Easter - I know I'd never make it that long! But I think I can hold off for a week at a time... maybe. We'll see. My husband is pretty ruthless about it (or at least is threatening to be!) so it's pretty much out of my hands. Unless I get truly desparate and sneak to a friend's house to weigh on their scales? No, no, no. The madness stops here and now!
On a totally different note, I had the best hot cocoa with sf raspberry syrup tonight. I tried making the cocoa with just a little water at first to make sure I got all the lumps out (a handy little tip from the boards - thanks to whoever suggested it!) and then added more water & syrup and nuked. Ever so yummy! I think that's my new favorite - especially since we had snow once again here in northwest Georgia today. Not sure what's up with the crazy weather, but it definitely made me want to curl up with a steaming mug of chocolately goodness! Mmmmmmmmm.....
And on another totally different note, is anyone else an avid watcher of the Biggest Loser? This is the first season I've ever watched it but I'm hooked. It's a big deal at our house, mainly because we have to commandeer the TV away from our three year old for the night. But since this is the first reality show I've watched in a while, it amazes me how into it I get!! I mean, I'm rooting for these folks like they're my best friend! And the fact that we're all in this "getting healthy NOW" mode probably contributes a lot to that. I actually yelped and cheered when the black team managed to beat out the blue team tonight, against amazing odds. Noah thought I'd lost my mind! I mean, there was no sword fighting going on, no spaceships, no dancing, no singing, nothing to him that would warrant any such goings on. But he just shook his head and went back to playing. Silly mommy!
My last and totally final different note for the night: I go to the eye doctor tomorrow to see what's causing all this blurred vision. It started right after I started on Medifast, which really freaked me out! I don't think it's related, but it will be a relief to know what's going on. So say a prayer for me, if you think about it, that the doctor will know what the deal is and have a ready solution!
On a totally different note, I had the best hot cocoa with sf raspberry syrup tonight. I tried making the cocoa with just a little water at first to make sure I got all the lumps out (a handy little tip from the boards - thanks to whoever suggested it!) and then added more water & syrup and nuked. Ever so yummy! I think that's my new favorite - especially since we had snow once again here in northwest Georgia today. Not sure what's up with the crazy weather, but it definitely made me want to curl up with a steaming mug of chocolately goodness! Mmmmmmmmm.....
And on another totally different note, is anyone else an avid watcher of the Biggest Loser? This is the first season I've ever watched it but I'm hooked. It's a big deal at our house, mainly because we have to commandeer the TV away from our three year old for the night. But since this is the first reality show I've watched in a while, it amazes me how into it I get!! I mean, I'm rooting for these folks like they're my best friend! And the fact that we're all in this "getting healthy NOW" mode probably contributes a lot to that. I actually yelped and cheered when the black team managed to beat out the blue team tonight, against amazing odds. Noah thought I'd lost my mind! I mean, there was no sword fighting going on, no spaceships, no dancing, no singing, nothing to him that would warrant any such goings on. But he just shook his head and went back to playing. Silly mommy!
My last and totally final different note for the night: I go to the eye doctor tomorrow to see what's causing all this blurred vision. It started right after I started on Medifast, which really freaked me out! I don't think it's related, but it will be a relief to know what's going on. So say a prayer for me, if you think about it, that the doctor will know what the deal is and have a ready solution!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Noah's New Prayer
Tonight before supper, the kids were playing in the living room. Greg was on his computer and I was in the kitchen getting things ready. Anna Grace is at the stage where anything Noah has, she wants. She also has started hitting Noah, usually inadvertently I think, but sometimes not.
Well, tonight, he took a toy away from her earlier and she had decided she wanted it back. So she came over to get it and apparently hauled off and hit him in the arm. Noah exclaimed, "Hey! Sister hit me!" And then before either one of us could say anything or admonish her or anything, he began to pray, "Lord Jesus, help Anna not to hit me anymore. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I feel like this is HUGE! This is the first time he's prayed spontaneously like that, other than for healing. He's used to praying when someone is hurt or sick and doesn't think a thing about it - just goes up and lays his little hand on them and prays. And he's used to praying at bedtime and before meals and all that. But this is the first time he'd ever just prayed for a situation to change, know what I mean? It really made me feel like, hey - maybe... just maybe... we're doing OK as parents. Maybe we really are training him up the way we're supposed to. Most of the time, all I see are the things I'm doing wrong. The areas where I know I'm missing it. So tonight it warmed my heart to know that in spite of all my mistakes and all the things I'm not doing very well, he is learning and he is drawing closer to God. That's been my prayer for him all along - that he know God and love Him beyond all else. That he will be totally ravished by the Heavenly Father and that he will long to worship him all the days of his life.
Thank You, Lord, for little glimpses like this that reassure this mother's heart that we're at least pointing him in the right direction! :) Thank You for honoring my prayers for him... and for honoring his prayers, too! {Anna Grace didn't hit him anymore tonight - that's an answer to prayer for sure!}
Well, tonight, he took a toy away from her earlier and she had decided she wanted it back. So she came over to get it and apparently hauled off and hit him in the arm. Noah exclaimed, "Hey! Sister hit me!" And then before either one of us could say anything or admonish her or anything, he began to pray, "Lord Jesus, help Anna not to hit me anymore. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I feel like this is HUGE! This is the first time he's prayed spontaneously like that, other than for healing. He's used to praying when someone is hurt or sick and doesn't think a thing about it - just goes up and lays his little hand on them and prays. And he's used to praying at bedtime and before meals and all that. But this is the first time he'd ever just prayed for a situation to change, know what I mean? It really made me feel like, hey - maybe... just maybe... we're doing OK as parents. Maybe we really are training him up the way we're supposed to. Most of the time, all I see are the things I'm doing wrong. The areas where I know I'm missing it. So tonight it warmed my heart to know that in spite of all my mistakes and all the things I'm not doing very well, he is learning and he is drawing closer to God. That's been my prayer for him all along - that he know God and love Him beyond all else. That he will be totally ravished by the Heavenly Father and that he will long to worship him all the days of his life.
Thank You, Lord, for little glimpses like this that reassure this mother's heart that we're at least pointing him in the right direction! :) Thank You for honoring my prayers for him... and for honoring his prayers, too! {Anna Grace didn't hit him anymore tonight - that's an answer to prayer for sure!}
Roasted Turnips, A Goal Met, and Cravings for Chocolate...
Well, tonight we tried another new veggie for us: roasted turnips. They were actually much better than I was expecting! My husband's comment was that they were like potatoes, but a little sweeter. One thing I didn't do but that I had read somewhere was to soak the turnips in milk first to take some of the bitterness away? We were out of milk so I skipped that step... but they turned out pretty good regardless.
I feel so adventurous, experimenting with all these vegetables! They may not be new and exotic veggies to some, but to our little family, eating veggies this often in the past was a foreign concept!
Tomorrow's my weigh in day! Since I am somewhat a daily weigher (I know, know - that's bad, but I just can't resist!), I think I've met my next mini-goal of 20 lbs! I hope I'm not jinxing myself by celebrating early, since it ain't official 'til in the morning, but this morning the scale showed a loss of 3.2 lbs since last Tuesday, making my grand total 21.8 lbs! Hallellujah and praise God!! This was a huge goal for me on many levels - one being that it will mean I'm only 1.2 lbs away from 217, which is the smallest I've been since meeting my husband. And the other is the fact that my reward for meeting this goal was getting my hair highlighted and cut... something it is in dire need of! It looks bad enough that a beautician stopped me at the mall a few weeks ago and gave me her card, saying, "I noticed you needed some color work done..." LOL
You know the weird thing, though? Even with this mini-goal met, I've been rather down today and last night. Don't know why, but have been wanting chocolate - purely emotional eating, I know. And I haven't succombed - but the desire is there. But that's OK - I'll just drink some more water and have a chocolate shake here in a bit and remind myself of how great I've been feeling these past 7 weeks and of how great I'm going to feel as I get healthier and thinner! Being thin isn't going to magically make everything in my world right and make me happy all the time or solve all the world's problems or bring about peace and harmony in the universe... but I can't wait until I'm there, nonetheless!
I feel so adventurous, experimenting with all these vegetables! They may not be new and exotic veggies to some, but to our little family, eating veggies this often in the past was a foreign concept!
Tomorrow's my weigh in day! Since I am somewhat a daily weigher (I know, know - that's bad, but I just can't resist!), I think I've met my next mini-goal of 20 lbs! I hope I'm not jinxing myself by celebrating early, since it ain't official 'til in the morning, but this morning the scale showed a loss of 3.2 lbs since last Tuesday, making my grand total 21.8 lbs! Hallellujah and praise God!! This was a huge goal for me on many levels - one being that it will mean I'm only 1.2 lbs away from 217, which is the smallest I've been since meeting my husband. And the other is the fact that my reward for meeting this goal was getting my hair highlighted and cut... something it is in dire need of! It looks bad enough that a beautician stopped me at the mall a few weeks ago and gave me her card, saying, "I noticed you needed some color work done..." LOL
You know the weird thing, though? Even with this mini-goal met, I've been rather down today and last night. Don't know why, but have been wanting chocolate - purely emotional eating, I know. And I haven't succombed - but the desire is there. But that's OK - I'll just drink some more water and have a chocolate shake here in a bit and remind myself of how great I've been feeling these past 7 weeks and of how great I'm going to feel as I get healthier and thinner! Being thin isn't going to magically make everything in my world right and make me happy all the time or solve all the world's problems or bring about peace and harmony in the universe... but I can't wait until I'm there, nonetheless!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Road Trip, New Bible Study, and First Goal Met!
Today we drove down to Powder Springs for Grammie's Retirement/Birthday party. Basically a 2 hour drive from our house. Not terribly bad, but with two kids, one of which is just learning the phrase "are we there yet?" and the other who was fighting sleep the entire time? Not my idea of a fun two hours! The picture of Greg was on the way down, fairly early in our trek. By the time we got home tonight, if he'd had hair, he would have pulled it out. I do have hair, but decided to forego pulling any of it out, although the urge was definitely there!
On the way down, we listened to Paper Tongues (to get us hyper and happy - love the song "Ride to California"!), some old Derek Webb and a little Caedmon's Call. It's a good thing Gregory doesn't mind me singing along at the top of my lungs - my singing voice is no where near on par with his! But my exuberance surely must count for something. Noah played air guitar and air drum occasionally, when he wasn't playing with his Star Wars figurines, and Anna Grace would chime in with various sound effects sprinkled throughout. Her "singing" is quite interesting to say the least!
It was a nice retirement/birthday party. Lots of yummy party food there, including some delicious looking punch, chips & dip, fruit with fruit dip, and lots of little finger sandwiches... and one big 'ol cake, smack dab in the middle of the table. I had prepared myself to withstand the onslaught of temptation by eating a Medifast Peanut Butter Crunch bar before we left Grammie's to walk over to her friends house for the get together. And I stayed busy with the kids and with socializing while at the party to keep from partaking. At one point, I resorted to serving other folks their cake and fetching an elderly lady some coffee to keep it from being too obvious that I wasn't eating. Didn't want it to be a big deal and offend the hostess or anything, you know? But I definitely considered it a victory that I didn't even sample anything... thankfully, Grammie and Greg fed the kids so I didn't have to endure that! :)
We had intended to go to the Percolator Coffeehouse tonight for Bible Study on the way home and to visit with our friends who congregate there on Saturday nights. But by the time we got to Summerville, we had two very tired kids and two very tired adults. Neither kid had napped worth much of anything at all today, so they were a trifle grumpy. We did stop by my folks house for a potty break and ended up eating supper with them and staying for a little bit, which was nice because that made the kids happy and gave the two tired adults a respite!
One good thing about not making it to the Coffeehouse was the fact that we made it home by 8:00 and got Anna in bed fairly close to her bedtime. Which means that with Noah happily playing, Mommy and Daddy get to relax at home and just veg for a while. Thank You, Lord!
I do hate that we missed the Bible Study, though, because it sounded extremely interesting! They were beginning a series on the feasts in the Old Testament, explaining them in greater detail. That's a subject I don't know much about but am very fascinated with. Growing up, it wasn't a subject that I ever really remember anyone talking about at all, other than a passing phrase here or there. But several of our friends celebrate them and the celebration adds such a richness to their faith. The first time I went to a Passover Seder, I was amazed and intrigued by how the ancient customs that Jesus celebrated Himself were all interwoven with His life and death. So I was really looking forward to learning more tonight.
Hopefully, we can make it down there for the Study next week... Summerville's not that far away or anything, but getting anywhere on a regular basis for us these days isn't easy! But maybe it'll happen... I can hope, right?
And even though it's not official, I met my first mini-goal of my weight loss journey - 20 lbs lost!! Hallelujah!!!!! It won't be official until Tuesday on my weigh-in day, but this morning my scale showed a loss of 21.6 lbs. Needless to say, I was excited! My excitement was increased by the fact that this means I get my first "reward": getting my hair cut and/or colored. I've been in dire need of something for weeks now, but was holding off since that was good incentive to stay on plan. Whew! Now I can finally get something done! Thank You, Lord!! :)
Friday, February 26, 2010
Zucchini Curls - Oh my goodness...
Tried a new recipe tonight that I got from the MF Discussion Boards - Zucchini Curls. Oh my goodness, how divine! Whoever came up with recipe, thank you, thank you, thank you! I wasn't sure whether we'd like them so I only made enough for me and Greg to have basically one serving each. I then ended up keeping most of them myself - at first because I didn't think he'd like them and then once I'd tasted them, it was sheer greediness. I admit that quite freely.
Greg started MF with me back in January but keeps going off for one thing and then another. He was doing really good this week - had started back on plan on Tuesday and was pretty much sticking to it. Not 100% on plan, but not terribly bad, either. But then this afternoon, despite my attempts to get him to eat a Medifast bar (even taking one to the store with us and offering it to him twice while we were out - going above and beyond in my opinion), he didn't eat anything until we got home, was "starving" and thus ate not one but TWO peanut butter sandwiches plus a boatload of chips. So therefore I didn't want to share my yummy lean and green with him tonight at all! But I did. Tried to be encouraging and supportive and all that. But I'm finding it hard to know when he wants me to push him and when not to. When to be encouraging, and when to just shut up and let him eat what he wants... there's a fine line between "encouraging" and "nagging", really, when you think about it. Especially on something like this. Part of me wants to do the tough love stuff... kind of like Jillian Michaels on The Biggest Loser, ya know? Kick his booty into shape! LOL - that's really not my style at all. And I know that he beats himself up after he goes off the plan - starts feeling guilty and feeling like he's a quitter and all sorts of crazy things like that. *Sigh* Communication between spouses is difficult enough at times without adding something as volatile as diets and lifestyle changes to it! So... didn't intend to say all that, but there you go. Definitely a prayer request or four in there, so please say one for us regarding this next time you talk to your Heavenly Father! I know it's the subject of quite a few conversations between me and God and will probably be the subject of many more in the days to come.
Anyway... back to those zucchini curls - they truly rocked! They were good enough that he actually requested that I make them again really soon. So I think I will... the next test will be whether the kids will eat them. We'll see.
Greg started MF with me back in January but keeps going off for one thing and then another. He was doing really good this week - had started back on plan on Tuesday and was pretty much sticking to it. Not 100% on plan, but not terribly bad, either. But then this afternoon, despite my attempts to get him to eat a Medifast bar (even taking one to the store with us and offering it to him twice while we were out - going above and beyond in my opinion), he didn't eat anything until we got home, was "starving" and thus ate not one but TWO peanut butter sandwiches plus a boatload of chips. So therefore I didn't want to share my yummy lean and green with him tonight at all! But I did. Tried to be encouraging and supportive and all that. But I'm finding it hard to know when he wants me to push him and when not to. When to be encouraging, and when to just shut up and let him eat what he wants... there's a fine line between "encouraging" and "nagging", really, when you think about it. Especially on something like this. Part of me wants to do the tough love stuff... kind of like Jillian Michaels on The Biggest Loser, ya know? Kick his booty into shape! LOL - that's really not my style at all. And I know that he beats himself up after he goes off the plan - starts feeling guilty and feeling like he's a quitter and all sorts of crazy things like that. *Sigh* Communication between spouses is difficult enough at times without adding something as volatile as diets and lifestyle changes to it! So... didn't intend to say all that, but there you go. Definitely a prayer request or four in there, so please say one for us regarding this next time you talk to your Heavenly Father! I know it's the subject of quite a few conversations between me and God and will probably be the subject of many more in the days to come.
Anyway... back to those zucchini curls - they truly rocked! They were good enough that he actually requested that I make them again really soon. So I think I will... the next test will be whether the kids will eat them. We'll see.
So for those of you interested in the recipe, here 'tis:
2 zucchini, unpeeled
chicken broth
lf cream cheese
Cut strips from the zucchini with a veggie peeler, down to the seeds (don't put the seedy core in 'cause it will get mushy). Put about 1/8 cup of chicken broth in a pan. Once it gets hot, add the zucchini and cook for about 3 minutes, stirring fairly often. Add the cream cheese and salt & pepper, stirring 'til the cheese is melted. Eat immediately...
I was thinking about trying it with the french onion laughing cow sometime in the future maybe?
If you try it, let me know if you enjoyed it as much as we did!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
My Plans? Not Anymore...
A friend of mine on Facebook just posted this quote as her update: "Some people are reluctant to trust God completely with their lives, fearing that He may want to make a change in their plans. Yes, He will change our plans. His plans are infinitely better than the very best we could ever conceive."
I thought that was so awesome. And so timely for me. Tonight I got to chat on FB with my ex brother-in-law and then a little later with my current sister-in-law, too. My bro-in-law had sent me the sweetest message - it totally made me cry! I haven't had the chance to catch up with him in forever, so it was great to hear how things were going with him and his family. And I don't get to see my sis-in-law very often at all (since she lives in Mississippi) and don't get to talk to her much either, so that was way way cool, too, to be able to chat with her for a bit. She's got a gift of encouragment and always says things that totally bless me, even when she herself needs encouraging.
But what really struck me tonight when I was about to sign off facebook and happened to see that quote was that God took my plans from the past and totally screwed them up! Back then, I had goals and plans and visions of where I wanted to be in 5 or 10 years. Maybe nothing concrete, but at least a general picture in my head of how my life would look and who I'd be with for the rest of my life and all that. But all that changed in an instant (well, not really - divorces take longer than that!). But everything did change with one phrase - when I asked my then-husband where he'd been and he replied, "On a date". It was definitely an ephiphany moment. I felt a knot in my chest and yet like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, all at the same time. It was like God stuck His finger in the quiet little pond that was my life and stirred up a maelstrom.
And now? Wow - I never knew I could be so happy. The plans He had for me were truly better than the very best I could have come up with. I'm almost speechless thinking about that! All the time, He had this amazing life for me, just waiting for His timing and His moments to initiate it. Do I regret my first marriage and all the years I devoted to it? Nope - they helped make me the person I am today. Do I wish God had started my new life a little sooner? Definitely - being a mom of toddlers at 39 can be VERY tiring! :)
So here I am, headed who knows where, with a new (well, four years new!) marriage to a wonderful man and two amazingly wonderful kids. Do I have any idea where we'll be in five years? Or ten? No clue whatsoever. And that's OK. Because now I know firsthand that my life is in far more capable hands than mine. And that His plans - and His timing - is immeasurably more than I can imagine. I plan to just hang on for the ride.
I thought that was so awesome. And so timely for me. Tonight I got to chat on FB with my ex brother-in-law and then a little later with my current sister-in-law, too. My bro-in-law had sent me the sweetest message - it totally made me cry! I haven't had the chance to catch up with him in forever, so it was great to hear how things were going with him and his family. And I don't get to see my sis-in-law very often at all (since she lives in Mississippi) and don't get to talk to her much either, so that was way way cool, too, to be able to chat with her for a bit. She's got a gift of encouragment and always says things that totally bless me, even when she herself needs encouraging.
But what really struck me tonight when I was about to sign off facebook and happened to see that quote was that God took my plans from the past and totally screwed them up! Back then, I had goals and plans and visions of where I wanted to be in 5 or 10 years. Maybe nothing concrete, but at least a general picture in my head of how my life would look and who I'd be with for the rest of my life and all that. But all that changed in an instant (well, not really - divorces take longer than that!). But everything did change with one phrase - when I asked my then-husband where he'd been and he replied, "On a date". It was definitely an ephiphany moment. I felt a knot in my chest and yet like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, all at the same time. It was like God stuck His finger in the quiet little pond that was my life and stirred up a maelstrom.
And now? Wow - I never knew I could be so happy. The plans He had for me were truly better than the very best I could have come up with. I'm almost speechless thinking about that! All the time, He had this amazing life for me, just waiting for His timing and His moments to initiate it. Do I regret my first marriage and all the years I devoted to it? Nope - they helped make me the person I am today. Do I wish God had started my new life a little sooner? Definitely - being a mom of toddlers at 39 can be VERY tiring! :)
So here I am, headed who knows where, with a new (well, four years new!) marriage to a wonderful man and two amazingly wonderful kids. Do I have any idea where we'll be in five years? Or ten? No clue whatsoever. And that's OK. Because now I know firsthand that my life is in far more capable hands than mine. And that His plans - and His timing - is immeasurably more than I can imagine. I plan to just hang on for the ride.
Monday, February 22, 2010
I am a total pushover - NOT a good thing!
Miracle of miracles! I survived a trip to Baskin Robins without partaking of any of the yummy 31 flavors! Our kids have an honorary "grammie" who was visiting for a couple of days in honor of her birthday yesterday. Well, while we were out running around today, she announces that she wants to go to BR to get ice cream for her b-day. Yes, I am a total pushover. So we went. And they had my all-time fav flavor in stock, too... Nutty Coconut. Oh my goodness.
AND to top it all off, we'd been out longer than I had anticipated and - horror of horrors! - I did NOT have a bar with me!! Even after I posted that on my profile page as one of my success tips ("Don't get caught without an emergency backup bar, blah, blah, blah..."). ARRGGH! So I'm sitting there, holding Anna as Grammie feeds her little bites of her ice cream (and yes, she got the nutty coconut). I managed to not lick the spilled ice cream off of Anna's coat as we were leaving, which was definitely a victory in my book.
So I was also a pushover at a women's meeting yesterday after church... ended up agreeing to furnish GARLIC BREAD for a spaghetti fundraising we're doing to raise money for Haiti. So even though bread's not one of my trigger foods, having to smell all that yumminess is going to be a test of my willpower. I will prevail and not partake! I guess I'm just a sucker for folks laying the pleas on thick, especially when there's a cause involved. *Sigh*
How on earth have I survived almost 40 years with no backbone? Or at best a backbone that disappears occasionally when I least expect it? I thought I had gotten much better in this regard and could say an emphatic "NO!" when I needed to, but apparently my "Needing To" Meter has been broken for a couple of days.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
My Fake Spaghetti Supper (Shiratake Noodles)
Well, I had intended to take a picture of my shiratake noodle "spaghetti" when it was still nice and neat, but totally forgot in my haste to give it a taste test. I used the noodles, Walden Farms no carb marinara, Morningstar Farms Griller Crumbles, and some diced tomatoes. It was much better than I was expecting, I must say. But I wasn't able to eat all of it. Just wasn't as appealing as some of my other lean & green meals have been. In hindsight, I shouldn't have used the full portion of crumbles allowed (2 cups - that's a bunch!) and probably shouldn't have used the full cup of noodles either. But you live and learn, right? Now I know!
And I did manage to totally avoid the chocolate cupcakes we had for Grammie's birthday. Hallelujah! A small victory? Maybe for some, but for me - HUGE!
Anna likes Spaghetti!
We had Grammie's birthday supper tonight - yummy spaghetti (well, I had fake spaghetti using shiratake noodles, but that's the topic of my next blog post!), salad, and garlic bread. Chocolate cupcakes for dessert. Anna was making some hilarious slurping and "Mmmmmm" noises the entire time. You can see from the carnage in the picture that she totally enjoyed her spaghetti experience. Needless to say, she went straight from supper to the tub!
Anna's Turn
Since my last post was exclusively about my son, I figure I'd better devote this one to my little princess. She's currently safely in her crib, theoretically to take a nap. It's a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, though, so I'm feeling kind of guilty that I don't have her outside running around like crazy. Of course, that's what she's been doing all afternoon... just in the living room. Running around like crazy. I stayed after church for a Women of Hope meeting, so Greg brought the kids home and was going to put them both down for naps (per our normal Sunday afternoon routine). Well, Anna Grace may have been in her crib with her bottle and the lights out, but she did NOT take a nap. Neither did Noah, for that matter. When I got home around 2:30, both kids were wide awake. So I went ahead and got them out of bed (per Greg's request! LOL) and brought them into the living room.
Anna loves computer cords, and remote controls, and anything that she's not supposed to have. Nothing makes her happier than to get a hold of something that she doesn't think is allowed (and usually Noah lets her know really quickly what is and is not allowed).
This morning at church, she decides to explore a little. Which gave me fits! A little background: we arrive at church by around 8-ish to start setting everything up (church in a box - convenient!) and try to start our practice around 8:45. There is a ton of stuff to do in those 45 minutes, so let's just say my attention is distracted at best. And once we start practice, it only get s worse. Usually the singers (and Daddy) try to help keep her in sight, but she can be sneaky. And this morning, Daddy was distracted himself since our sound guys wasn't going to be there today. So Anna picks today to decide to wander around - weaving in and out of the rolling stacks of chairs and trying to sneak behind the blue curtains so she could high tail it out of the building if someone would oblige and leave the door open (at least, I'm guessing that was her goal). But thankfully someone would usually see her and either yell or go grab her before she reached freedom.
She's such a little explorer! Much more so than Noah. And that is just so cool to me. I mean, I know we all have our own individual DNA and that our code makes us unique and that's the way God created us. But doesn't it just blow your mind sometimes to look at children and to look at their parents and to think that these little human beings came from them? Some things are obvious - like, where did Anna get her headstrong personality? Her daddy, of course! Where did she get her sweet side that comes out when you least expect it? From her mommy, of course! :) But there are these little hidden nuggets, characteristics that crop up unexpectedly out of nowhere that to me serve as assurance that we do have a Creator and that He loves to surprise us. He loves to show us through so many things - in this case, my daughter - that I should not be complacent and think that I know how things work. Au contraire! God's ways are far above our ways and I surely do not understand all the intricacies of personality that he has tucked away in one tiny little package called Anna Grace.
I don't think I conveyed what I meant in that last paragraph at all... I'm trying to say that just when I think I "know" her, my daughter will throw me a little curve. A new side of her revealed. Yes, she's not even 2 years old yet, so I know she's still growing and changing daily. But sometimes in the day-to-day stuff of things, I begin to get in a rut. Begin to think that I understand what she's doing or thinking or feeling or wanting.... NOT! She is her own person. And it's just fascinating to see how she's unfolding.
Anna loves computer cords, and remote controls, and anything that she's not supposed to have. Nothing makes her happier than to get a hold of something that she doesn't think is allowed (and usually Noah lets her know really quickly what is and is not allowed).
This morning at church, she decides to explore a little. Which gave me fits! A little background: we arrive at church by around 8-ish to start setting everything up (church in a box - convenient!) and try to start our practice around 8:45. There is a ton of stuff to do in those 45 minutes, so let's just say my attention is distracted at best. And once we start practice, it only get s worse. Usually the singers (and Daddy) try to help keep her in sight, but she can be sneaky. And this morning, Daddy was distracted himself since our sound guys wasn't going to be there today. So Anna picks today to decide to wander around - weaving in and out of the rolling stacks of chairs and trying to sneak behind the blue curtains so she could high tail it out of the building if someone would oblige and leave the door open (at least, I'm guessing that was her goal). But thankfully someone would usually see her and either yell or go grab her before she reached freedom.
She's such a little explorer! Much more so than Noah. And that is just so cool to me. I mean, I know we all have our own individual DNA and that our code makes us unique and that's the way God created us. But doesn't it just blow your mind sometimes to look at children and to look at their parents and to think that these little human beings came from them? Some things are obvious - like, where did Anna get her headstrong personality? Her daddy, of course! Where did she get her sweet side that comes out when you least expect it? From her mommy, of course! :) But there are these little hidden nuggets, characteristics that crop up unexpectedly out of nowhere that to me serve as assurance that we do have a Creator and that He loves to surprise us. He loves to show us through so many things - in this case, my daughter - that I should not be complacent and think that I know how things work. Au contraire! God's ways are far above our ways and I surely do not understand all the intricacies of personality that he has tucked away in one tiny little package called Anna Grace.
I don't think I conveyed what I meant in that last paragraph at all... I'm trying to say that just when I think I "know" her, my daughter will throw me a little curve. A new side of her revealed. Yes, she's not even 2 years old yet, so I know she's still growing and changing daily. But sometimes in the day-to-day stuff of things, I begin to get in a rut. Begin to think that I understand what she's doing or thinking or feeling or wanting.... NOT! She is her own person. And it's just fascinating to see how she's unfolding.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Dancing with Noah
Now, he's changed gears again, and is air drumming with the aforementioned pencils. He's pretty good, actually! Wants to play along with the songs on Just Dance... oops! Now he wants me to dance with him again! A mommy's work is never done. Time to go boogie to "A Little Less Conversation". I love my little man! Certainly there is never a dull moment...
{Well, after a brief dancing interlude, he's finished dancing for the moment.} Let me paint a better picture for you: he's wearing his Spiderman jockey shorts and a long sleeved orange striped shirt, plus his Darth Vader belt. Holding a blue light saber. Actually, the light saber is a post-dance addition. When he dances, he's fond of throwing in some "hurl-yourself-on-the-floor" moves, along with some break dancing of sorts. Kind of intriguing, really, to watch him. I'm amazed that he's not black and blue.
So now, he's leaning against me, drinking juice from a blue dinosaur sippy cup. What an amazing little human being. It totally blows my mind that God blessed us with such awesome kids - what a miracle to be parents!
Oops - time to dance again! Gotta go!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Lunch
Well, today is Thursday. What does that mean at the Sullivan household? Well, Worship Team practice tonight for starters. And the kids are usually at the Parents Day Out program at Rock Spring (yes!!). Which translates to a trip to the grocery store without someone asking for every toy or every bag of candy or every pack of gum we pass! Much less stressful, I must say. And today - wonder of wonders! - I'm going totally by myself. Solo. No adult supervision whatsoever. Well, color me happy! Not that I mind Gregory going with me - he likes to shop, too. But there's something about grocery shopping (especially at Wal-mart) that he just can't take after about the first 15 or 20 minutes. So I've learned that when he's with me, I have to prioritize and get the essentials first, then if the need arises for us to head out of there, I'm covered.
And when we all four go, that's definitely needed. Because on the days when Noah is allowed a special treat, once he picks out what he wants, he's ready to go home right then. So wait until we're finished to let him pick it out, you say? Wrong! Because there are few things more annoying than a three year old who knows he's about to get to pick a toy or some gum or candy or whatever - "are you done yet? how about now? can we go to the toy section now, Mommy? how about now? Pleeeeeeease!"
Anna is the calmest of the bunch - usually. Unless Mommy is stupid enough to go too close to naptime... then all hell breaks loose. She has her Daddy's vocal chords for sure!
So what does all this have to do with the title of this post, namely, "Lunch"? Absolutely nothing, other than the fact that I'm waiting on our Medifast soup to finish cooking so I can eat and then go grocery shopping. I've learned never ever to go hungry, especially when dieting! Our soup today is the Maryland Crab Soup - super yum! When I ordered it, I was envisioning something akin to Clam Chowder. I know, I know - I'm not a crab aficionado or anything like that! Never been to Maryland so what do I know! It's actually a dark broth with lots of veggie and big chunks of crab... very tasty. I enjoy the Medifast version so much that I'm eager to one day take a trip to Baltimore to try out an authentic version. But that's a ways down the road for sure and for certain.
Ah! I hear the little beep beep that signifies that my wait is over! Lunch is served!
And when we all four go, that's definitely needed. Because on the days when Noah is allowed a special treat, once he picks out what he wants, he's ready to go home right then. So wait until we're finished to let him pick it out, you say? Wrong! Because there are few things more annoying than a three year old who knows he's about to get to pick a toy or some gum or candy or whatever - "are you done yet? how about now? can we go to the toy section now, Mommy? how about now? Pleeeeeeease!"
Anna is the calmest of the bunch - usually. Unless Mommy is stupid enough to go too close to naptime... then all hell breaks loose. She has her Daddy's vocal chords for sure!
So what does all this have to do with the title of this post, namely, "Lunch"? Absolutely nothing, other than the fact that I'm waiting on our Medifast soup to finish cooking so I can eat and then go grocery shopping. I've learned never ever to go hungry, especially when dieting! Our soup today is the Maryland Crab Soup - super yum! When I ordered it, I was envisioning something akin to Clam Chowder. I know, I know - I'm not a crab aficionado or anything like that! Never been to Maryland so what do I know! It's actually a dark broth with lots of veggie and big chunks of crab... very tasty. I enjoy the Medifast version so much that I'm eager to one day take a trip to Baltimore to try out an authentic version. But that's a ways down the road for sure and for certain.
Ah! I hear the little beep beep that signifies that my wait is over! Lunch is served!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
"Morning" vs. "Good Morning"
Since when did most folks (me included) start leaving the "Good" off of "Good Morning"? When did it cease to be a wish for the other person to have a good morning and more of a declaration or acknowledgement of the time of day? I passed a couple of people on my way into the building from the parking deck and we all mumbled a quick "Morning". Of course, the fact that it was 6:15 and the wind chill was 16 may have been the cause. It didn't seem much like a good morning at the time! Then I noticed that I did it again when one of the guys walked in the front door of the office. Called out "Morning!" before I even thought about it. He replied, "Hello" which I found interesting for some strange reason. But since I wasn't bestowing upon him a wish for anything - good or otherwise - but was just making a statement of fact (like he didn't know?), his greeting could have been counted the more civil of the two.
So what does any of this matter? Not a hill of beans, actually. Why even bring it up? Don't really know, except it struck me that it's probably a shift in our culture. I mean, when you pass someone on the street, are you actually wishing that they have a good morning these days? Most times, do we even say anything at all, though, really? And actually (I must like that word today), are we wishing them a good morning or just bragging about our day? "Yes, I'm having a gooooood morning! Don't you wish you were?" One thing this little discourse has done, though, is it's made me think about what I say. A much needed thing, I think! How often do I say things without thinking? Like when the cashier says, "Come back and see us" and you were expecting her to say "Have a nice day" and so you say, "You too" which makes no sense at all in light of what she said. I'm not even talking about the things I say when I stick my foot in my mouth or hurt someone's feelings inadvertently by not thinking before I speak. That's a whole 'nother story!
So maybe today, I'll be more conscious of the words that come out of my mouth. Maybe today I'll pause before blurting out what first comes to mind. Maybe I'll truly take time to actually wish someone a "Good Morning" and mean it. Or maybe I won't - after all, it's early yet. My intentions to have a good morning myself may be thwarted. And I know that when you're having a bad day, it's awfully hard to be pleasant and greet someone with the wish that they have a better morning than you. [OK, God just nudged my conscience. Yes, Lord, I know it's hard, but not impossible. Yes, that would be the right thing to do, wouldn't it?]
So that's my unlofty goal for today: to wish upon everyone I meet a good morning, no matter what my morning is looking like. And who knows? Maybe in wishing that on others, it will be reciprocated back to me tenfold. Hey, I could get real ambitious and even say a prayer for the person I'm talking to! Interesting concept, huh?
So... good morning, O Reader of my blog! May your morning be filled with unexpected blessings and may each moment be saturated with the loving presence of Our Heavenly Father! [And if I happen to encounter one of you live and in person today, hold me accountable for my greeting please! Call me on it if I slip up and just mumble, "Morning!", OK?]
{And on a totally unrelated note, did you notice that I started 4 of the 5 paragraphs in this post with the word "So"? I'm sure you did, since you are a person of great distinction and discernment (after all, you're reading MY blog, aren't you?) Well now, how tacky is that? Are you even allowed to start a sentence with that word?? Hopefully none of my former English teachers are following my blog... I daresay they would be totally convinced that I slept through all of their classes...}
So what does any of this matter? Not a hill of beans, actually. Why even bring it up? Don't really know, except it struck me that it's probably a shift in our culture. I mean, when you pass someone on the street, are you actually wishing that they have a good morning these days? Most times, do we even say anything at all, though, really? And actually (I must like that word today), are we wishing them a good morning or just bragging about our day? "Yes, I'm having a gooooood morning! Don't you wish you were?" One thing this little discourse has done, though, is it's made me think about what I say. A much needed thing, I think! How often do I say things without thinking? Like when the cashier says, "Come back and see us" and you were expecting her to say "Have a nice day" and so you say, "You too" which makes no sense at all in light of what she said. I'm not even talking about the things I say when I stick my foot in my mouth or hurt someone's feelings inadvertently by not thinking before I speak. That's a whole 'nother story!
So maybe today, I'll be more conscious of the words that come out of my mouth. Maybe today I'll pause before blurting out what first comes to mind. Maybe I'll truly take time to actually wish someone a "Good Morning" and mean it. Or maybe I won't - after all, it's early yet. My intentions to have a good morning myself may be thwarted. And I know that when you're having a bad day, it's awfully hard to be pleasant and greet someone with the wish that they have a better morning than you. [OK, God just nudged my conscience. Yes, Lord, I know it's hard, but not impossible. Yes, that would be the right thing to do, wouldn't it?]
So that's my unlofty goal for today: to wish upon everyone I meet a good morning, no matter what my morning is looking like. And who knows? Maybe in wishing that on others, it will be reciprocated back to me tenfold. Hey, I could get real ambitious and even say a prayer for the person I'm talking to! Interesting concept, huh?
So... good morning, O Reader of my blog! May your morning be filled with unexpected blessings and may each moment be saturated with the loving presence of Our Heavenly Father! [And if I happen to encounter one of you live and in person today, hold me accountable for my greeting please! Call me on it if I slip up and just mumble, "Morning!", OK?]
{And on a totally unrelated note, did you notice that I started 4 of the 5 paragraphs in this post with the word "So"? I'm sure you did, since you are a person of great distinction and discernment (after all, you're reading MY blog, aren't you?) Well now, how tacky is that? Are you even allowed to start a sentence with that word?? Hopefully none of my former English teachers are following my blog... I daresay they would be totally convinced that I slept through all of their classes...}
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Cooked Radishes? Oh, heavenly!
OK - I admit I was a bit skeptical when I saw folks on the Medifast boards talking about cooked radishes being an amazing substitute for potatoes when you're having cravings. Yeah, right! Radishes? C'mon! But today I had some time on my hands (since I did NOT get to take a Sunday afternoon nap... ironic isn't it? I post about the wonders of such a thing and then don't get one! How sad is that? But little Anna woke up just when I got Noah to sleep... figures!), I decided to try cooking the radishes that were languishing in my fridge before they turned into a bizarro science experiment. So I sliced them up and put 'em in the pan... they were rather stinky when they first started cooking. But I persevered. Realized when they were about done that I had totally forgotten to add the onion (which would have been sooooo divine), but decided to press on regardless. After about half an hour, they're looking pretty good and smelling lots better, so I dish them up and sit down to try them. WOW! They were unbelievable. Soooo yummy! So needless to say, I have added radishes to my grocery list.
While I was devouring my new favorite veggie, Anna toddled over and said, "Bite! Bite!" (or at least her version of it). I gave her a little bite, thinking she wouldn't care for it. Wrong! She kept on asking for bite after bite, and I hate to admit it, but I was begrudging her every single morsel. Eventually she became distracted and wandered back over to where she was happily taking cookbook after cookbook off the shelf, sitting down amongst them all, and looking for all the world like she was contemplating what to fix for supper. I'm sure she'll want a redo of the radishes, but she'll have to wait. I don't plan on venturing out to the store today. Well, not unless the call of the radish gets to me. Yumm-o!
While I was devouring my new favorite veggie, Anna toddled over and said, "Bite! Bite!" (or at least her version of it). I gave her a little bite, thinking she wouldn't care for it. Wrong! She kept on asking for bite after bite, and I hate to admit it, but I was begrudging her every single morsel. Eventually she became distracted and wandered back over to where she was happily taking cookbook after cookbook off the shelf, sitting down amongst them all, and looking for all the world like she was contemplating what to fix for supper. I'm sure she'll want a redo of the radishes, but she'll have to wait. I don't plan on venturing out to the store today. Well, not unless the call of the radish gets to me. Yumm-o!
Sunday Afternoon Naps
When does a person's view of napping change? At what age does napping go from being something you fight tooth and nail to something you long for? I can personally attest to the fact that 3 year olds are not fond of this practice. We start preparing for the battle about half an hour ahead of time... psyching ourselves up for the inevitable struggle. Part of the problem is that I still end up laying down with Noah in order to get him to sleep. Horrible, I know. But when I was pregnant with Anna, I certainly didn't mind "having" to do that - I welcomed the excuse! And some days, to be honest, I enjoy being forced to stop everything and lie still for the 15-20 minutes it takes to get him to sleep. The problem comes on days when it takes more like 45 minutes to an hour. When he fights me every step of the way. Usually not fight as in a physical sense, but with every manipulative emotional ploy available in his three year old arsenal.
This is compounded more by the fact that I fall asleep extremely quickly. Greg says that by the time my head has hit the pillow, I'm gone. I get that from my mom - she can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, too. I also attribute it to a clear conscience, but Greg disagrees with that, too. So I'm falling asleep and Noah's waking me up to ask for his juice. I fall asleep again, only to be awakened because he needs to get up to go to the bathroom. I'm asleep again and he's poking me asking questions about the ceiling fan... this could go on for hours in his little world. But in Mommy's world, I get more and more ornery with each bout of interrupted dozing. Not a good thing. Eventually, he does fall asleep and I have to fight the urge to shake him and wake him up. Sometimes my Mommy instincts are way off!
Sunday afternoons in my opinion are just made for napping. Especially cold and snowy Sundays like today. Anna Grace usually is wiped out after church (aren't we all?) so she goes to bed immediately. The rest of us are fairly quick to follow, usually after wolfing down lunch and with mild complaining from Noah. But I think even he realizes that Sunday naps are different. Special, somehow. To me, it's part of "keeping the Sabbath". Relaxing and recharging your batteries for the week to come. We've already had an awesome time of worship plus fellowship with our church family. Plus a great sermon from Pastor Michael (who dyed his hair red for Valentine's Day - made it rather hard to take him seriously!). So with the afternoon stretching before us and with Monday morning just around the corner, what better time to grab a few extra Z's?
I'm sure there are those of you reading this who are anti-naps. You have my sympathy. These days, I grab the peace and quiet when I can. I used to try to clean house or do laundry or something constructive during the kid's nap times but then realized that I was biting their heads off all the time. Now that I embrace the art of napping, I find that I'm a little less of a witch with them. At least most of the time... it's something I'm working on (and that God's working on in me), but I certainly have a ways to go with it.
So having said all that... time to go snooze! May your Sunday afternoon be filled with peaceful thoughts - whether awake or dreaming - and may your day of rest recharge you and energize you for all that the week holds.
This is compounded more by the fact that I fall asleep extremely quickly. Greg says that by the time my head has hit the pillow, I'm gone. I get that from my mom - she can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, too. I also attribute it to a clear conscience, but Greg disagrees with that, too. So I'm falling asleep and Noah's waking me up to ask for his juice. I fall asleep again, only to be awakened because he needs to get up to go to the bathroom. I'm asleep again and he's poking me asking questions about the ceiling fan... this could go on for hours in his little world. But in Mommy's world, I get more and more ornery with each bout of interrupted dozing. Not a good thing. Eventually, he does fall asleep and I have to fight the urge to shake him and wake him up. Sometimes my Mommy instincts are way off!
Sunday afternoons in my opinion are just made for napping. Especially cold and snowy Sundays like today. Anna Grace usually is wiped out after church (aren't we all?) so she goes to bed immediately. The rest of us are fairly quick to follow, usually after wolfing down lunch and with mild complaining from Noah. But I think even he realizes that Sunday naps are different. Special, somehow. To me, it's part of "keeping the Sabbath". Relaxing and recharging your batteries for the week to come. We've already had an awesome time of worship plus fellowship with our church family. Plus a great sermon from Pastor Michael (who dyed his hair red for Valentine's Day - made it rather hard to take him seriously!). So with the afternoon stretching before us and with Monday morning just around the corner, what better time to grab a few extra Z's?
I'm sure there are those of you reading this who are anti-naps. You have my sympathy. These days, I grab the peace and quiet when I can. I used to try to clean house or do laundry or something constructive during the kid's nap times but then realized that I was biting their heads off all the time. Now that I embrace the art of napping, I find that I'm a little less of a witch with them. At least most of the time... it's something I'm working on (and that God's working on in me), but I certainly have a ways to go with it.
So having said all that... time to go snooze! May your Sunday afternoon be filled with peaceful thoughts - whether awake or dreaming - and may your day of rest recharge you and energize you for all that the week holds.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Temptations on Valentine's Eve
In my life pre-Medifast (aka, up until 3 weeks ago!), Greg and I would have carefully planned our Valentine Date Night. We would have picked one of our favorite restaurants (P.F. Chang's probably - yumo!) and would have gotten my folks to keep the children for the evening. Last time we went to P.F. Chang's, we ordered multiple appetizers, an entree a piece, plus dessert (a full sized one and a mini!). We would have polished it all off and enjoyed ourselves immensely. No wonder we're both the size we are!!
This year, our Valentine's date was a little more restrained. We went to O'Charley's (early - around 5-ish) and I did splurge and order the prime rib (entirely too fatty for Medifast unfortunately) with asparagus and a side salad (no croutons, balsamic vinaigrette on the side). The prime rib was the first time I went off plan knowingly, so I'm feeling really guilty about that. But tomorrow's a new day and I plan to get back on track! I did manage to not give in when Gregory mentioned dessert (he's going back on the diet on Monday) and so we left without ordering appetizers or dessert - downright miraculous for us! We had a great time, though. Actually a great afternoon/evening all around. Greg's mom left to head back to Mississippi around lunchtime and my folks were keeping the kids, so we actually got to have (gasp!) couple time! Hallelujah! :) For those of you who do not have kids, believe me when I say that you have to grab your time when you can! So an entire afternoon to ourselves was priceless indeed and was exactly what we both needed. Sometimes it's great to get to just hang out with the one you love and just BE.
So things were progressing along quite nicely this evening - watching a little Backyardigans with Noah, typing on this post... when suddenly he asks for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. OK, not a problem. PB&J's not one of my favs, so usually it's not a temptation for me. But when I get into the kitchen I see 3 separate kinds of candy that Greg's mom bought the kids for Valentine's. That got my attention. But, OK, still not a problem. I can handle this. OK. Unwrap the bread... ever notice how good fresh bread can smell and well, feel? Soft and a little mushy? Now for the peanut butter... unfortunately, it's some G's mom bought while she was here which means it's creamy... my favorite. Greg prefers the Jif Extra Crunchy - not nearly as tempting. Spreading it on the bread... resisting the urge to lick the knife! Then the jelly, which unfortunately Noah "helped" with, resulting in jelly on my hand and my arm. Had my hand halfway to my mouth before I caught myself! Not good! Must resist!!
I had planned to fix myself a yummy Medifast french vanilla shake and add some new flavoring drops that came in the mail today (pina colada flavor - yum!) but decided that the kitchen was NOT a safe place to be tonight. So I grabbed a Medifast Peanut Butter Crunch Bar and a glass of water (along with Noah's still tempting PB&J) and headed out at record speed. Whew! Disaster narrowly averted.
But I have to say that overall, I have not been tempted much on this diet. I went to a party today at a friend's house and she had cupcakes and chip & dip. Didn't phase me at all. I haven't been hungry, thanks to the requirement that you eat every 2-3 hours. So it's much easier to not succumb when temptation knocks. That plus the fact that according to my scale this morning I've lost almost 15 lbs so far (my official weigh in isn't until Tuesday, so I'm not "counting" that yet...). But knowing that this is working is definite incentive to stay on plan. Even when chocolate Valentine's candy is beckoning and when Noah has PB&J breath all evening... I WILL do this. With much prayer and with God's help, I will lose weight and be healthy by the time I'm 40! Only 8 months to go..... scary thought!
This year, our Valentine's date was a little more restrained. We went to O'Charley's (early - around 5-ish) and I did splurge and order the prime rib (entirely too fatty for Medifast unfortunately) with asparagus and a side salad (no croutons, balsamic vinaigrette on the side). The prime rib was the first time I went off plan knowingly, so I'm feeling really guilty about that. But tomorrow's a new day and I plan to get back on track! I did manage to not give in when Gregory mentioned dessert (he's going back on the diet on Monday) and so we left without ordering appetizers or dessert - downright miraculous for us! We had a great time, though. Actually a great afternoon/evening all around. Greg's mom left to head back to Mississippi around lunchtime and my folks were keeping the kids, so we actually got to have (gasp!) couple time! Hallelujah! :) For those of you who do not have kids, believe me when I say that you have to grab your time when you can! So an entire afternoon to ourselves was priceless indeed and was exactly what we both needed. Sometimes it's great to get to just hang out with the one you love and just BE.
So things were progressing along quite nicely this evening - watching a little Backyardigans with Noah, typing on this post... when suddenly he asks for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. OK, not a problem. PB&J's not one of my favs, so usually it's not a temptation for me. But when I get into the kitchen I see 3 separate kinds of candy that Greg's mom bought the kids for Valentine's. That got my attention. But, OK, still not a problem. I can handle this. OK. Unwrap the bread... ever notice how good fresh bread can smell and well, feel? Soft and a little mushy? Now for the peanut butter... unfortunately, it's some G's mom bought while she was here which means it's creamy... my favorite. Greg prefers the Jif Extra Crunchy - not nearly as tempting. Spreading it on the bread... resisting the urge to lick the knife! Then the jelly, which unfortunately Noah "helped" with, resulting in jelly on my hand and my arm. Had my hand halfway to my mouth before I caught myself! Not good! Must resist!!
I had planned to fix myself a yummy Medifast french vanilla shake and add some new flavoring drops that came in the mail today (pina colada flavor - yum!) but decided that the kitchen was NOT a safe place to be tonight. So I grabbed a Medifast Peanut Butter Crunch Bar and a glass of water (along with Noah's still tempting PB&J) and headed out at record speed. Whew! Disaster narrowly averted.
But I have to say that overall, I have not been tempted much on this diet. I went to a party today at a friend's house and she had cupcakes and chip & dip. Didn't phase me at all. I haven't been hungry, thanks to the requirement that you eat every 2-3 hours. So it's much easier to not succumb when temptation knocks. That plus the fact that according to my scale this morning I've lost almost 15 lbs so far (my official weigh in isn't until Tuesday, so I'm not "counting" that yet...). But knowing that this is working is definite incentive to stay on plan. Even when chocolate Valentine's candy is beckoning and when Noah has PB&J breath all evening... I WILL do this. With much prayer and with God's help, I will lose weight and be healthy by the time I'm 40! Only 8 months to go..... scary thought!
First Posting for 2010
Welcome to my blog! I just spent an inordinate amount of time trying to locate this old blog... tried every user name, e-mail, and password combination I could think of that I've used for the past 10 years... but to no avail. Then suddenly, wham-o! Found it! Made me very happy, needless to say. Not that there was anything earth shattering here. The main reason I started this blog way back in 2005 was because a friend of mine (who later became my husband) was doing one and it sounded like fun.
Fast forward almost four years - same scenario. Greg is once again blogging and so I thought, hey! Why not? After all, I have just as much to say as anyone. Especially on topics that don't really matter. I can discourse for days on the merits of one brand of peanut butter versus another or on the Imagination Movers vs. the Backyardigans vs. the Wiggles (yes, I do have a 3 year old in the house). But I thought this blog would be a good idea for another reason. I think journaling is good for the soul. Spilling your heart out on a sheet of paper (or a computer screen) can be very cathartic. So you'll probably get more information than you want to about me and about my struggles and my life, if you decide to stick around or come back for a visit. You'll hear a lot about my relationship with God. A lot about my struggles to be a better person. Right now, you'll hear a lot about my struggle to lose weight and my program-of-choice, Take Shape for Life (aka, Medifast). You'll hear stories about my kids and about my husband and probably about my friends and my co-workers and my folks and my family. Most of it may in fact bore you to tears. Actually, unless you are one of the above-mentioned friends or family, that's probably a given! Nothing here will be new revelations or noteworthy opinions or offensive rants worthy of comment over a water cooler.
So having said all that, if you're still reading, cool! Thanks! Welcome to my world and to my blog! :)
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